Holiday blues

Hey, I havent been active because I am always swamped at work. Anyway, everything is going fine with me I bought so much shoes from my paychecks, clothing and I am finally learning how to cook properly. Adult life is still confusing though, it’s almost xmas and I’m still single haha but it’s because I refuse to go out with men yet I want to do it next month you know? for it to be a real fresh start. I always get sad as xmas comes close every year since I was 9, it’s because I’ve never really spent any xmas dinners and eve with my parents…..they’re still alive so dont get me wrong. I will spend it with my brother and grandmother, and although I love them to death it’s just not the same you know? other kids would be sitting at a table next to their mothers and fathers being thankful for all of the things they received and all I had was a postcard from my dad from abroad and a text greeting from my mom. We still received gifts of course, but however cliche it sounds I’d be happier to have them instead.

I should tell you of course that they’re both working abroad then and now still (well my dad is, my mom is working in MNL now), but I know most families with the same plight as us whose folks manage to be home at xmas. I guess my parents just didnt care, and because of that I see xmas as a sad holiday, I dont hate it of course because I see how much people have been looking forward to it. It’s just for me it’s nothing special (dont tell me it’s because Im a non-believer okay?), I guess for other people it’s about family bonding and stuff like that, for me it’s just cold, damp and an excuse to over eat. We received awesome new clothes, shoes, watches and food from the US as children but we had no parents. And even though I feel this way, in the future if ever I decide to have children of my own (bec right now Im scared of the whole idea of raising a human being), I will make sure to make them feel the xmas spirit, the magic and to make only good memories for them, so when they are adults and have a blog they wont make this kind of gloomy entry of how their parents never cared about them around this time of year, so that all they can say is how magical and joyous it is, they’ll have their tales of seeing nanay kissing Father xmas hahaha.

Well there was this one time I saw my dad wrap and put gifts for us under the tree maybe I was 8 then….and just before we ate they had an argument over something as petty as my dad not getting the cake my mom wanted (or something as petty, but I forgot what it really was), and ended up trashing up our living room because she went ballistic and threw things at him again, I guess they were too young when they got married, or it’s because they never really loved each other. I dont know man haha xmas just gets me all the time, for the worst reasons. But forget what I said, advance Merry Christmas to you and Happy Holidays!

CSE

After waking up earlier from a nap, my grandma greeted me with “the schedule for next year’s civil service exam has been announced, I saw it on facebook” and I checked it if it was legit and it is. I had been meaning to take this since last year, but I didnt make it because the filing schedule was already done. I heard that it isnt a walk in the park because out of the 5 people I know who took it last year, only 2 passed. I hope I pass it in just one take though, because my kuyas (older male cousins) did. I know there’s a certain amount of pressure because most of them but I’m not overwhelmed by it, I was a good student throughout my stint in school, but Im not too confident that I will pass (I can only hope). I’ll take a self administered diagnostic exam so that I’ll know which field to improve, I’m taking the professional pen and paper type CSE.

As I was eating my dinner my other kuya came into our house to borrow soy sauce and my grandma told him about the CSE and that’s when I found out that he’s gonna take it as well. Now we’re not the same age, he’s 2 years older than me but he worked at a call center before and now he’s planning on working in the government. Now I dont plan on working for the gov’t, I’m just taking this test just in case I decide to do so in the future (because perspectives tend to change). And I dont like the fact that I’m taking it with my kuya because we’ll just butt heads, we’re both very competitive.

The filing period will start on November 16, 2017 – January 31, 2018, and the exam will be on March 18, 2018. Still plenty of time to read up, because I dont believe in luck, I look at it like this, if I were a soldier and I bought a rifle with no bullets to a war…I’ll be dead. I dont plan on purchasing a reviewer though, I’ll just search the interwebs for a pdf of sample questions or something, jesus christ the reviewer costs a fortune man! and I’ll only use it once. I’ll just read up on these topics, stock up on knowledge and get on with it. I look forward to it, this time I wont do it half assed like I did in UPCAT (which I regret up to this day, I got wait listed) this time I’ll do my best even if I get head to head with my kuya ahahaha.

Growing up

As I’ve established a couple of times here I am a Filipino, and my family are too of course. We do have Spanish ancestry on my dad’s side but I was raised by my maternal gradmother, and boy does she have an iron hand. She’s the traditional Filipino grandmother, religious, conservative and she’s not afraid to hit us as punishment. When my brother and I got older though (became College and Highschool students), she became calmer and she’s actually cool now haha. I love her to death though, but when I was a kid she imposed this “winner” mindset on me. I dont know if this is a typical Asian thing, but unlike other kids who were told “it’s okay to lose, you’re still the best”, I was told that losing shouldnt be an option and to never take “no” for an answer. Granted that those other kids were raised by their parents who most likely belong to the Gen X, (granmama is a baby boomer) who exercise more liberal ideologies. I was punished for getting a 96 instead of a 100 in my exams and quizzes (yes she checks them, we were instructed to return the tests to her), whereas my classmate’s mom was happy when he got  an 85, I was given the silent treatment for winning 2nd place in contests, while my classmates were treated to lunch in KFC for having a participation trophy, I couldnt understand why I had it hard-er than most of my classmates. Whenever I’ll tell her how different she is than other grandmas she would tell me “because I am!“, straight up with no further explanation. Other kids were allowed to go to sleep overs while I was not, I had to lie and tell her we have a project to finish but even with excuses like that, she will ask what time we’ll finish and she’ll send my cousin to fetch me.

When I was 9, my parents separated and we were given to her. The afternoon of the first day of us living with her, she was standing in the kitchen and I was so upset and was so used to my mom’s “cuddly” attitude that I hugged my grandma from the behind, she didnt react the way I wanted her to and she continued cleaning, then she asked me if I was crying and I told her yes, then she broke the hug and she said “Let’s not be silly and dwell on something that is over”, she raised me to be tough. But I didnt turn out that way really, I just learned how to handle my emotions in public but at night I still breakdown, basically she taught me to have a hard exterior. That’s just one of the many times she refused to console me because she believed that by doing so, she’s making me weak. I was taught that this is a dog eat dog world and that I wont get what I want without working hard, she taught me that things are never easy and that if it is then I’m doing something wrong.

There were side effects of this of course, because as soon as I went to college I rebelled, but not to the point where I permanently screwed my life. I just developed a drinking problem and smoked, I was still a scholar/dean’s lister until I graduated. I have anxiety too, and I overthink, am insecure because of all the body shaming she did, I also dont know how to express my emotions well especially to the people I love (because I was told growing up that it’s a sign of weakness) and the list goes on. But the good weighs the bad, although I had that kind of upbringing I am still alive and kicking, and I am not easy to be brought down, I may get upset sometimes but I dont  give up and cave in. I can easily adapt to different environments too, I find ways to get what I want and I am independent. If I settled for second best then I wouldnt graduate uni with flying colors and I wouldnt be working now 🙂 yes, I do have a job, not my dream job yet but I’m saving up for that. As I’ve said, I dont give up and I always find ways to get what I want.

Maybe this is a typical Asian upbringing, but I just wanted to share it because whenever I’ll tell people this in Uni before they were shook hahaha. But it’s okay, I grew up a decent human being anyway and I am grateful to my grandmother for that.

Songs that are close to my heart

I know that you’ve seen so many cringe-y tumblr posts saying “music is life” or something of the sort, but it is true man, I think there is a scientific study about it but I  am too lazy to research. Sometimes you just dont want to talk to people when you’re going through a bad time, you just want to be alone but it’s still hard because  then you’ll have these thoughts in your head and the only way to silence them (for me) is by listening to music. And with that here are 10 of the many songs (in no particular order) that helped me through some of the difficult times in my life, like my parents’ separation, anxiety, existential crisis and nights when I feel overwhelmed by stuff, it’s hard to narrow it down but I was able to do it, and here they are:

 

Hey Jude – The Beatles

“Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better” 

This is my go to song whenever I feel the world isnt fair to me, in days when I feel like no one is on my side and I need some comforting words. It was also one of the songs my late grandfather would sing to me when I had trouble sleeping when I was young.

Stay together for the kids – Blink-182

“Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems
They never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them everyday
We get along, so why can’t they?
If this is what he wants
And this is what she wants
Then why is there so much pain?”

I am a child of divorce (well annulled we dont have divorce yet in the Ph), and I remember being 9 and hearing my mom and dad yell at each other, calling each other names, seeing holes on our walls because of the things my mother threw at dad, and what I do is go to my room, set my sony CD player (yes I am that old) on max volume and just drowning out their voices with Mark Hoppus’ and Tom DeLonge’s, and crying too because I felt the emotions pour out of their guitars and drum, and this is why despite of their many immature songs they remain as one of my favorite band. They spoke to me and understood me when no one did, or knew how. Sucks that they didnt stay together for us, but Tom saying he never really quit gives me hope. They practically raised me hahaha Mark was my dad, Tom was mom and Travis is my weird fun uncle, that might sound weird but that’s how I  see them even if Momma Tom is chasing aliens now, without them I probably wouldnt be here now, they saved me from myself by singing sense into me.

Pictures of you – The Cure

“If only I’d thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I’d thought of the right words
I wouldn’t be breaking apart
All my pictures of you”

Along with Blink 182, I owe my life and sanity to the Cure. Going through my first heartbreak in highschool, I listened to this song for a straight hour while writing a ten page rant on my journal about how I couldve been a good girlfriend to my ex, how I couldve done things differently so that he didnt have to leave me. And to this day this is still my ultimate “regret” song, I just have so many memories associated with this that when I listen to it I just become emotional, and it’s very pretty too, that long ass intro will send you to an emotional rabbit hole that you wont get out of hahahaha. Check it out if you havent, it’s a masterpiece.

No Surprises – Radiohead

“A heart that’s full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won’t heal”

There was a time in my life when I hated everything and I was contemplating whether I should just quit life. And then I heard this song and just wept, and I felt awesome after and then I learned how to play it in the keyboard and formed a band instead. This still helps me through my existential crisis hhahaha

will you still love me tomorrow? – Carole King

“Tonight you’re mine, completely
You give your soul so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
Will you love me tomorrow”

the first song I learned how to play on the piano, well the first non classical piece. It’s just a beautiful song isnt it? Carole King is such a beautiful human being as well, her songwriting is superb. I can only wish I can write like her, and I  listen to this whenever I am in a relationship because I am a paranoid bitch, I keep seeking for reassurance that he loves me hahahaha.

Going away to college – Blink-182

“Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game then
I must have missed the kick off
Don’t depend on me to ever follow through on
Anything but I’d go through hell for you”

This song is my growing up/coming of age song hahaha I was so deep in puberty that I clung to Blink-182’s “Enema of the state” for support. I was so stubborn yet so passionate on my first relationship, I want to but I dont want to, you know what I’m saying? but anyway 9 years later at 21 and I still think this song is awesome, check it out.

Therapy – All Time Low

“Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to
They are better off without you (they are better off without you)
Arrogant boy cause a scene like you’re supposed to
They’ll fall asleep without you
You’re lucky if your memory remains”

This is also one of the songs that helped me through my parents’ separation. Because I felt then I wasnt worthy of any kind of love, worth fighting for, whenever I hear this song I just connect with it. During those times and now when I feel out of place, I crank this up on my earphones and I feel okay afterwards.

Lovesong – The Cure

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again”

This in my opinion is the best lovesong ever created, it gave me  reason to find love because all I wanted was to feel this way. I thought I did in my last relationship, but I was wrong hahaha didnt stop me from hoping to find this kind of love someday though.

Something – The Beatles

“Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don’t need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me”

it’s just a beautiful song that will make you feel inlove (or more in love), it gives me that warm feeling, perfect for cold nights ❤

Skinny Love – Bon Iver

“And now all your love is wasted
And then who the hell was I?
And I’m breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines”

IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING FEEL THE PAIN OF BEING LEFT BY YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER THEN BUDDY I HAVE THE SONG FOR YOU, YOU WILL FEEL YOUR HEART BEING RIPPED APART WITH EVERY LYRIC OF THIS SONG. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING I HAD DIFFICULTY BREATHING WHEN I HEARD THIS AFTER MY BREAK UP. DONT LISTEN TO BIRDY’S VERSION THIS ONE IS MUCH BETTER.

 

So there you go, if you have the time do check these out. Maybe they’ll help you through tough times too.

Dear self : It’s okay

I know that everything is confusing right now, that you feel lost and bewildered. I want you to know that it’s okay, you dont have to be perfect and live your dream life right away, it’s okay to feel a little bit discouraged because not everything is turning out the way you thought it to be in college. In every success there is a sob story, you have to work hard to achieve the things you want in life.

However cliche this may sound I think you still need to hear it “there’s no shortcut to success”, just keep your head up and keep your dream alive kid. Dont give up and never lose hope, you know what you want just keep that fire burning! you might have encountered a set back but that’s okay, find a way around it, you always do. It’s okay to feel lost because without it, you’ll never find your way back, you get what I mean? because by being lost, you’ll do everything  just to get to where you’re supposed to be, sure you might encounter a detour but in the end you’ll still be there.

It’s okay to feel bewildered, because if everything turned out the way you thought it will, then your life wouldve been boring, you wont gain strength and will power, you wouldnt learn how to be tough. Stop overthinking, you’re giving yourself anxiety. Stop isolating yourself, go out with your friends, stop messing with your phone, you’re not a burden they can help you, having an existential crisis is okay from time to time, but enough of that already darling…….you know what you want now, you might not be able to achieve it right away but you have a plan right? carry on with that, it doesnt matter how long it takes, the important thing is not giving up. It’s okay to feel that the world isnt fair despite you being a nice person and being a straight A student, it’s okay like I said earlier, these are just set backs designed to make you stronger.

Dont let your dream just be a dream, work hard for it to become a reality. Get your planner and make a new plan, prove to everyone that you’re not gonna be stumped, prove that you’re not one to mess with. Enough with the moping! It wont do you good, stop making excuses! stop procrastinating make every day count. You are the gate keeper of your own destiny, dont cave in.

Find a way, you always do.

Update on my job application:

I was at Manila earlier, Malate to be exact because yesterday the maritime agency I applied for as Casino Dealer messaged me to report for examination and later on if I passed, final interview. So I left our province at 3 am and got there at about 6 am, the journey was surprisingly fast, I didnt even sleep but I wasnt tired when I got to the agency. I couldnt sleep because I was nervous, I didnt really review for the exam because I didnt know what to revise! my mother told me to be calm and focus and up until the actual examination, I wasnt hahaha. I wore the traditional business attire which was pencil cut skirt, plain blouse and an overcoat. I had make up on too, I spent an hour at Jollibee because I was too early! but it’s better early than late. I spent my time thinking about what to answer to the interviewer’s questions and I thought that was a wise thing to do, but it wasnt….it made me more nervous to the point where I am on the verge of throwing up! thankfully, I didnt.

I went to the agency at about 8:20 am where I was greeted by the guard, he was nice and he said that the interviewer might be a little late because it was a Saturday and I nodded and smiled. I fixed my hair and make-up instead (at this point I was sweating like a pig because of the coat and I cant take it off because I didnt shave my pits), and one by one mean started to appear and I chatted with this one guy wearing a polo shirt and huge bagpack and he said he’s there to renew his contract, he’s a seaman. At 9:30 am I was asked to go to the second floor, where I was introduced to a nice gentleman who later handled the examination and checked it. He was also from Quezon Province I learned, and he said that I passed the examination and I leaped in joy! I was instructed to wait for what felt like 30 mins and then I was asked to come in the Madame HR’s (that’s what we’ll call her) office, and then she eyeballed me from head to toe, she emphasised on how younger I look than what I claim to be which she said isnt necessarily a good thing, she asked me dozens of questions that I struggled to respond to and I felt at times that she really hated me. She said that I didnt belong there, I belong on an airplane and other discouraging stuff like that, but I fought hard and gave her a great argument on how Tourism Management’s career path isnt just in the airline.

I felt exhausted after that, and I sweated profusely! I dont know how that happened too because her AC was on. She also scolded me for wearing flat shoes, she said I must look the part to get the part! then she brought up the fact that I didnt have a seaman’s book yet, which is a big requirement. After justifying my plight she said:

“You passed the written examination and interview, however you have to get your seaman’s book, SDSD, PSCRD (and other requirements I forgot sorry) to get onboard. After completing your requirements please report here immediately.” 

I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE IT MEANT THAT I GOT THE JOB, I HAD A LITTLE SET BACK BUT AFTER I OBTAIN THAT I’LL BECOME A CASINO DEALER ON A CRUISE SHIP! Since I didnt know where to get these documents, I had to ask my ex-boyfriend’s friend and he was very approachable and nice about it. I almost messaged my ex for help but I figured he wont answer me and maybe he’s too busy and couldnt be bothered with my own shit. So I asked his friend instead, he immediately responded to my message and he even welcomed me into the Maritime industry, I always thought that he was nice but I didnt know that he was this nice. He even asked me if I knew how to go to those agencies, and he even apologized for not being here because he said if he were, then he wouldve accompanied me which was the nicest thing ever!

Anyway, basic training here I come! I’ll be going to Marina on Monday to ask about it. To know about the fees and such, where to get the other stuff too. I hope everything goes well, wish me luck still 🙂

A nobody

I found out that my highschool classmate tried to kill herself by self-immolation. She wanted to die because she was depressed about her life, I dont really know her that much because despite us being classmates and sharing same classes I was never close to her, being in the same team in P.E class and brainstorming about our volleyball game was the closest that we got into hanging out really, she belonged to the popular group while I was the captain of the debate team and a member of the history club and a mathlete. But even though we werent that close I still felt bad for her you know? I dont know what it’s like to be depressed really, I do get days where I’m upset but at the end of the day I am able to shake it off. So, yeah I dont know what it’s like, I can only guess based from the stuff I read online.

They made a gofundme page for her, and I shared that of course on my facebook account because as of now that’s all I can do to help. I havent got money because I am still unemployed, it’s astounding really how many shares it had. I am happy about it of course, because having many sharers increases the possibility of having donors to reach the goal amount. But it also got me thinking that if it were to happen to me…..no one will go out of their way to make a go fund me page because I’m a nobody. I didnt mean to make this about me, I just wanted to share my thoughts. She’s a pretty girl too, I used to wish I had a face like her in highschool because despite being the geeky/over achieving student that I was I still wanted to stand out in the crowd by just my appearance alone, I just found it powerful how a person can command a crowd with that kind of charisma, I used to think that beautiful people had it easier for them in life which of course isnt entirely true, but on some degree it is. People in our neighborhood are talking about how she ruined everything for herself because now half of her face is burnt and is irreparable, there’s plastic surgery but her family cant afford it. If it was me who did it though I think I’ll choose the quickest and has the slimmest possibility of surviving methods which are either of these: drinking bleach, overdosing on medicine and alcohol or just jumping off a building. But if I did that, no one will even remember me, no one except my family will mourn my death.

No one will mourn my loss because I am not beautiful, I was never out going as well, I am a nobody, no one will even approach my mother to tell her how much impact I had in their life because I am a nobody. If I ever decide to kill myself, no one will come to our house, no classmates or acquaintances because I either drove them away or I just chose other things than be sociable, I have said countless of times here that I am introverted. If I choose to end my life, no one will be sad over me, no one will be crying over  a song because it reminded them of me, no one will lose sleep because I died, no one. I’ve never contributed anything to society I’m a 21 year old freeloader, who repress her emotions and put on a brave face because of the fear of being “weak”, the one who tries to be humorous because it’s the only way to make people like her, the one who is always there to hang out but when she’s the one who asks no one comes, the ugly girl who never made an impact on anyone.

I am a nobody and I dont even think I’ll reach my 40’s hahahaha, anyway I hope my classmate recovers, both physically and mentally.

Tumblr Questions:

A follower of mine tagged me in this, and I know it’s odd that I’m answering it here but I will send him the link to this so that he’ll know that I didnt snob him. The reason is that I dont post text there, it’s mainly a band/fandom blog you know? but anyway here you go!

 

1) Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen? 

Black

2) Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

City.

3) If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

Playing the harp or pole dancing, it looks cool

4) Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

coffee with no sugar

5) What was your favourite book as a child? 

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman and Matilda by Roald Dahl

6) Do you prefer baths or showers?

Showers, I only take baths whenever I am sick and in need of serious soaking hahaha

7) If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

Mermaid

8) Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

Paper, because I like the feel and smell

9) What is your favourite item of clothing?

 

Graphic T-shirts

10) Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

I don’t necessarily hate it, but it’s kind of common and my second name is hella cheesy. I’d change it to Jean Marqui to confuse people of my gender hahahaha.

11) Who is a mentor to you?

Many.

12) Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

never dreamt of it

13) Are you a restless sleeper?

when I’m excited or anxious

14) Do you consider yourself a romantic? 

Nope

15) Which element best represents you?

Fire

16) Who do you want to be closer to? 

my soon to be co-workers hahaha

17) Do you miss someone at the moment?

Yes

18) Tell us about an early childhood memory.

My dad and I playing Crash Bandicoot on the Playstation 1

19) What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

I was bullied into eating a burnt dragonfly in 3rd grade (dark times)

20) What can you see outside your bedroom window?

A bank.

21) What are you most thankful for?

My family and friends

22) Do you like spicy food?

I LOVE spicy food

23) Have you ever met someone famous? 

Quite a number really, when I was having my OJT at the airport I met Sue Ramirez, Carlos Agassi, James Reid and Kean Cipriano with his wife. But you might not recognize them because they’re actors here in the Philippines.

24) Do you keep a diary or journal?

I do, but I suck at updating it.

25) Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? 

Pen.

26) What is your star sign?

Cancer.

27) Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? 

Crunchy.

28) What would you want your legacy to be? 

I dont know yet to be honest.

29) Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?

Yes, The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood and it kept me awake for 3 nights!

30) How do you show someone you like them? 

I sing to them, I only sing whenever I have to but if it’s for someone I fancy then I send them recordings of my crappy singing. And I write songs about them but never let them hear it ahahah

31) Do you like ice in your drinks?

depends.

32) What are you afraid of?

Anything with a beak, feather, wings and who screech.

33) What is your favourite scent?

Vanilla and fruit scented candles

34) Do you address older people by their first or last name?
Last name, like “Mr. Robinson”

35) If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? 

Travelling the whole world

36) Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

Pools because I injured myself before by stepping on a sharp rock while swimming on the ocean.

37) What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? 

keep it, although I might feel guilty.

38) Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

I did, but it didnt come true hahaha

39) What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

Be nice to other people and be polite.

40) If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be?

I dont think I’ll ever get one, but I think if I did it’d be a small and simple one and dear to my heart like, a storm trooper’s helmet or a small arc reactor hahah

41) What can you hear right now?

Matpat playing kindergarten haha.

42) Where do you feel the safest?

my room, the library and the bookstore.

43) What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my introversion.

44) If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose? 

I’d rather not because today women are considered equal to men you know? and people are just more open-minded nowadays.

45) What is your most used emoji?

The winking one.

46) What is your favourite season? Why?

we dont really get that many seasons here in the Philippines it’s either too hot to function or rainy and flooding everywhere hahahaha

47) How would you spend your ideal day? 

A bit cliche but at the beach on an afternoon with a book while holding the hand of the man that I love.

48) Describe yourself using one word.

dorky

49) What do you regret the most?

not saying things I should have

50) Think about your recent ex-lover, would you take them back if they asked you to now?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it depends.

 

Four eyes no more

So last week I went to my optometrist to get a prescription for contact lenses, which I got that afternoon. It was my first time to get contacts and putting it on was so freaking terrifying I thought I’d faint! well honestly, I attempted to wear one when I was in highschool because of a cosplay contest in school, where I dressed up as teenage Hinata Hyuga who is the love interest of Naruto Uzumaki, my bestfriend was tugging at my eyelids so hard and I was lying on the floor and I couldnt do it and I passed out (hilarious right?). That’s why I was nervous to try it again for fear of humiliating myself for the second time, but I had to get these because it’s required in the job that I applied for, it’s because I have poor eyesight and astigmatism.

After what felt like an hour of poking my eyes with hopes of putting my contacts on, it was a success I didnt faint! and it looked good and everything  is in HD without frames that produce red sore spots on my nose bridge and the back of my ear when worn for a long time. But it felt really weird, it’s like something was caught in my eye but I cant rub it because they’re contact lenses. My doctor taught me how to clean it and soak it properly, and she said to never fall asleep while they’re on. I bought colored lenses, mine was called “Toast Brown” which is dark and made my eyes more rounder. My guy friend (not boyfriend) who accompanied me said it made my eyes look prettier and not soulless, it’s because my natural eye color is black (but most would argue that there is no such thing, so Dark brown) and the lenses brought more life to them he said.

I still have difficulties in putting them on, because I cant do it fast enough! it’s like my eyelids cant be still you know? but I’ll eventually get the hang of it. It’s a little irritating that I have to bring eyedrops with me all the time though, but it’s much better to use outside than eyeglasses, I was bullied before because of wearing eyeglasses, they called me Labo or blurry eyed in gradeschool, and in highschool I risked being blind to look cool HAHAHAHA, so it’s awesome to be free of the burden of wearing eyeglasses that make me look dorkier than I already do hahaha.

PS. I have braces too so, contact lenses is the best choice haha.

 

(the featured image are my eyes also with the contact lenses, I know the color cant really be seen because my eyes are too dark I guess? but look at how it made it look more rounder! holy cow hahaha I took the picture with my ipad my lighting aint really that good too, sorry for the crappy photo haha)  

Sunday Funday

My mum got promoted to supervisor and is to be sent to Dumaguete for 3 months, she’ll be leaving on the 3rd of September. So, she wanted to take us out to eat but we couldnt decide where, she didnt want to eat at typical fast food joints and since it is “Niyogyugan Festival” here in our province, a festival where each town of Quezon province compete on several things like street dancing, Beauty Pageant, Floats, booth and each town gets the chance to showcase their delicacies, it’s a fun and beautiful event, it’s one you should go to and experience if you’re a culture buff (is that even a legit terminology? my apologies if it isnt), because you’ll get to experience it once you set foot in Perez Park (where you’ll find the booths), which is located in Lucena City.

Anyway, she hasnt been to one because my mum is such a workaholic that she goes home (Pagbilao) only when there’s a long weekend and on special occasions,she agreed to go and was actually ecstatic about it. We originally planned to eat at Antigua, but when we got there the place was already full! instead of waiting we decided to go to Buddy’s instead, which was one trike ride away, I was on a diet but I ate a lot earlier and declared today as a cheat day hahaha, my mum ordered so much! She ordered, pancit lucbana and lumpiang ubod for her and lola, fried chicken for my baby brother, pork barbecue with 2 extra rice for my other brother and sizzling squid sisig and plain rice for me. I felt so full after that, that I wasnt sure if I can move or not, but we had to keep going because my mum wanted to see the different booths already and buy stuff. All of them are lovely but some did stand out, like Atimonan’s which featured a mermaid and waterfall, Tayabas’ (my hometown) which had a pouring lambanog, and Real (reh-yal)  which actually looked too fancy! My mum bought lots of stuff especially pastry.

At about 2 PM we went back to Antigua to watch the grand parade, we stood for about 2 hours because we were in front and mother didnt want to lose our “great” spot. They said that the parade will start at 3 but at 3:40, we’re still standing there waiting for it to arrive and my grandma was already getting irritated. But once it started it’s as if our legs werent sore for standing that long, we saw the well made, beautiful floats of each town presented by districts and their energetic street dancers too, who despite of the heat and distance of the parade, still looked full of life. Our town, Pagbilao’s float was the last one, and behind it was the float of Mr. Paulo Avelino and Ms. Erich Gonzaga, two of the most well-known local celebrities now and everyone was gushing at how handsome and charming Mr. Avelino is, although I do agree with the handsomeness he still didnt make me swoon, I’m more of a tall, dark and handsome kind of girl, like Khal Drogo and my ultimate crush Jericho Rosales hahahaha, but it was still nice seeing him.

The most special thing for me today wasnt seeing the stars, or the beautiful floats and booths, it’s the fact that my grandmother agreed to go with us to eat and have fun. It’s not because she’s old and ill, she isnt that old and she isnt ill she just doesnt like going to the mall or anywhere really because she hates getting sweaty and feeling hot, I like it when she’s with us because I feel at ease because I dont worry that she might be in any trouble/accident because she’s alone in the house playing candy crush. Today was a great day, I hope you had a great Sunday too 🙂

(that’s my grandmother with me on the featured photo, sorry for the heavy filter my mother purchased a new phone which she used to take this picture with. She’s still figuring out how to remove the automatic filter)