I am the girl you see every night when you fall asleep. I am responsible for all of the adventures that you have, for all of the laughter and the awe. Honey I morphed into anything just for your delight, I was more than Jake because I am a human being and am capable of showing intimacy. On this little make-believe land, you reached for my hand you told me how perfect I am, how my eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky, how my teeth are as white as ivory, how I have the most perfect pout and how I have the most perfect bottle-esque figure. And I held my tears then but I couldnt do it, I sobbed and hot tears fell from my eyes. You panicked, held my hand and asked “what’s wrong, my love?”, I replied “Exactly“. You looked at me, bewildered, I took a deep breath and continued “it’s the way you love me”, you slowly let go of my hands looked to ground and back at me again “why what’s wrong with it?”, I tried to calm myself and I spoke “because you only love me because I am perfect, and it scares me because I know that I am not. You claim that I am your Fantasy Girl but darling, what will you do if you find out that I am real? and I am not as perfect as you thought I was? my hair will be fizzy, and my eyes wont always shine like it does in here, my teeth might be crooked and not that white because I do love coffee, I wont be as slim because I will eat thrice as much when I am stressed, what will you do? I guess you wont love me anymore wont you?”. You looked at me with large eyes, the one that screams shock, you reached for my hands again and spoke “You exist? where can I find you?” and I was filled with disbelief because you didnt answer my question, “In another lifetime, maybe I will be because I am tired of being just your make believe love, I want to be there when you’re awake, I want to hold your hand not in this magical galaxy of imagination, I want to be with you in the real world but I dont think you will love me the way you love me now, because if I happen to exist in real life, then I wont be able to sound like Hayley Williams, have the body of Jennifer Lawrence, the brain of Natalie Portman and dance like Chachi Gonzales, I will only be like the others, average. I wont be your ideal love because I will cease having the characteristics of the girls you look up to, in short I will not be your fantasy girl anymore.”
You frowned and said:
“Why cant you take that with you then?”
“because nobody’s perfect”
“then stay right here, just be who you are here in my make-believe world. Just me and you baby, I promise to hold you tight. Stay in this perfect world I created for you.”
“But, this picture perfect world couldnt make me happy anymore”
“But you are my fantasy girl”
And he held me tight, so tight that I couldnt even breathe. That was what I was afraid of, I prayed to the gods to make me real and they agreed but in return they told me that I will be just like most human beings in the world, average, which meant I wont look like a goddess and that I wont be blessed with the amount of talents that I have now, and I was made real, I found you and we are now together, but you dont recognize me, there are times when you tell me that I remind you of somebody, but you couldnt tell, but you arent happy, you dont even love me that much. And I can tell that you hate me now, because every time you wake up from your slumber you look at me with blank eyes, and a coldness that I can never get used to. It has been 24 months, and you still cling to this notion of a perfect lover. I once was my darling, I was your fantasy girl…but then you woke up.