Sunday Funday

My mum got promoted to supervisor and is to be sent to Dumaguete for 3 months, she’ll be leaving on the 3rd of September. So, she wanted to take us out to eat but we couldnt decide where, she didnt want to eat at typical fast food joints and since it is “Niyogyugan Festival” here in our province, a festival where each town of Quezon province compete on several things like street dancing, Beauty Pageant, Floats, booth and each town gets the chance to showcase their delicacies, it’s a fun and beautiful event, it’s one you should go to and experience if you’re a culture buff (is that even a legit terminology? my apologies if it isnt), because you’ll get to experience it once you set foot in Perez Park (where you’ll find the booths), which is located in Lucena City.

Anyway, she hasnt been to one because my mum is such a workaholic that she goes home (Pagbilao) only when there’s a long weekend and on special occasions,she agreed to go and was actually ecstatic about it. We originally planned to eat at Antigua, but when we got there the place was already full! instead of waiting we decided to go to Buddy’s instead, which was one trike ride away, I was on a diet but I ate a lot earlier and declared today as a cheat day hahaha, my mum ordered so much! She ordered, pancit lucbana and lumpiang ubod for her and lola, fried chicken for my baby brother, pork barbecue with 2 extra rice for my other brother and sizzling squid sisig and plain rice for me. I felt so full after that, that I wasnt sure if I can move or not, but we had to keep going because my mum wanted to see the different booths already and buy stuff. All of them are lovely but some did stand out, like Atimonan’s which featured a mermaid and waterfall, Tayabas’ (my hometown) which had a pouring lambanog, and Real (reh-yal)  which actually looked too fancy! My mum bought lots of stuff especially pastry.

At about 2 PM we went back to Antigua to watch the grand parade, we stood for about 2 hours because we were in front and mother didnt want to lose our “great” spot. They said that the parade will start at 3 but at 3:40, we’re still standing there waiting for it to arrive and my grandma was already getting irritated. But once it started it’s as if our legs werent sore for standing that long, we saw the well made, beautiful floats of each town presented by districts and their energetic street dancers too, who despite of the heat and distance of the parade, still looked full of life. Our town, Pagbilao’s float was the last one, and behind it was the float of Mr. Paulo Avelino and Ms. Erich Gonzaga, two of the most well-known local celebrities now and everyone was gushing at how handsome and charming Mr. Avelino is, although I do agree with the handsomeness he still didnt make me swoon, I’m more of a tall, dark and handsome kind of girl, like Khal Drogo and my ultimate crush Jericho Rosales hahahaha, but it was still nice seeing him.

The most special thing for me today wasnt seeing the stars, or the beautiful floats and booths, it’s the fact that my grandmother agreed to go with us to eat and have fun. It’s not because she’s old and ill, she isnt that old and she isnt ill she just doesnt like going to the mall or anywhere really because she hates getting sweaty and feeling hot, I like it when she’s with us because I feel at ease because I dont worry that she might be in any trouble/accident because she’s alone in the house playing candy crush. Today was a great day, I hope you had a great Sunday too 🙂

(that’s my grandmother with me on the featured photo, sorry for the heavy filter my mother purchased a new phone which she used to take this picture with. She’s still figuring out how to remove the automatic filter) 

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how are ya?

I took a mini hiatus from the interwebs and buried myself in Neil Gaiman and Stephen King’s books because I felt upset so I had to de-stress myself, and writing poetry and reading are the only things I know for that. Anyway, sorry for my outburst I know it’s a little bit over the top. I feel alright now, well I still dont think I am pretty but I dont beat myself up for it. The thing is that, I went to my dentist to get my teeth cleaned and as I looked into the mirror to put on my primer and foundation I noticed how clear my skin looked like. I mean I dont have any pimples today! so I didnt bother putting on foundation just concealer under my eyes. I felt good about that, and I didnt feel too insecure to go outside, I am back to my cheerful and outgoing self. I didnt feel sticky and oily earlier because I didnt have to put layers upon layers of coverage on my face.

Must be because of all the crying and drinking of water I did while feeling like the ugliest person alive, who knew that would work as a pimple cure? I also slept early during those days because my eyes were too puffy and without even noticing it I was asleep at about 9 PM hahaha. Anyway, I talked to my doctor about my anemia medication, and she said I still have to take them but advised me to drink slimming tea to help with the weight gain (I told her that I was working out regularly of course), and you know what? I’ll try to be less sensitive this time. I’ll try not to get triggered by silly remarks about my appearance because being upset isnt healthy and I hate the feeling of it too.
(yep thats me on the featured photo, sorry for my narcisissim)

21

Hey how  are  ya? sorry for the lack of posts, I was  hung over yesterday and earlier because it was my birthday last July 16th! and it was a good one. My family surprised me with extra crispy buckets of KFC chicken, Chocolate mousse and so on! it was so freaking awesome because I thought they’d never do that anymore because I am old now, but they did. There werent any balloons though, I know it’s too childish but they are just fun to see you know? my baby brother thought it was his birthday and I just laughed at him because he demanded to blow the candle again! wow, I am old but I dont feel like an adult yet, I dont even think I am ready for work yet. I am still undecided on what I want to do, but I will be going on a job hunt after I get my TOR, it sucks to be a freeloader you know?

My bandmates went to my house last sunday, when I thought they wouldnt be there because they are mostly engineering students and they are doing their OJT and so I was crocheting (this was after my birthday dinner) and was actually feeling it when one of them knocked on our door singing “Happy Birthday” and they brought their own bottle of tequila (because they know that my grandmother doesnt stack up on those)  and we didnt have lemons in our household so I grabbed the kalamansi or calamondin and we made do with that. We were so freaking noisy that some of my family members had to scold us! (we live in a compound) but we didnt care that much, we moved to a nearby bar in Lucena City, we werent that intoxicated so we rode J’s car and safely got there, I got home at about 3 AM all shitfaced but happy.  I have my own key now so my grandma’s sleep wasnt disturbed hhahaha I woke up at 8 the next day because I had to go to school to complete the signatures on my clearance, I was so hung over that I didnt eat breakfast, but I was happy because I felt like such a grown up, like “hey look at me I am 21 I graduated from College” and then I got home at like 6 PM and then my college friends chatted me up and we went to a bar in Lucban, I know I just recovered from a hang over and there I am again boozing (I guess I mastered that in college lol) I had a big fat headache again earlier and I was so grumpy when I went to the dentist, I tripped all over the dental chair (dunno if that’s what it’s called) because I was wearing my big ass sunglasses.

I dont think I’ll drink alcohol again man…..(but who are we kidding though? HAHAHA) the hardest thing I had to do on my birthday was to reply to comments and PM’s on my facebook while being drunk af, trying not to make typos and sending messages that I will regret. I think I did great though, I thanked everyone who greeted me with an accompanying smiling/grateful emoji,and I felt loved. Among my favorite people who greeted me were my ex boyfriend’s older sisters or Ates (term of endearment we use here in the Philippines to call older sisters), because I never had big sisters I have a step sister but she’s so fucking terrible, and his older sisters arent, they’re cool. I miss them though, I hope they’re doing well. But I appreciated each and every greeting I received, it made me feel warm, special and loved.

All in all, I had a great birthday again and I look forward to my next one hahaha.

 

Monday: Shaking it off

Well hello there I am back. I still dont know what to write about, but since I dont believe in writer’s block anymore I am now starting this blog post without knowing how it will turn out. Okay so let’s see, yesterday we ate at the old Kamayan sa Palaisdaan in Tayabas with my step-mother, it’s like a welcome back lunch for her because she’s back from China and will be back sometime in the 2nd week of August. It was fun and I ate so much! I just shrugged off the guilt that I felt because of the carbs that I have been ingesting haha I kept telling myself that it was okay, that it’s a cheat day. We also drank light beers, I drank more than the others because it took forever for our food to be served and I was so freakin’ hungry already. M was there, and I am glad that he is, my brother’s girlfriend too whom I thought will never show up because she said she had lots of chores to tend to, but she worked it out and was able to spend the day with us. We had a great time, I felt as if it’s an extension of my birthday celebration because we’re nearly in Lucban and we ate a lot of good food hahaha.

Tita’s hair got a lot longer which I think suits her more, and she got thinner. And I got more motivated to lose weight hahaha, not long from now I am hoping to be in my best shape possible, I wanna look good in my graduation picture, I want to slayyyy hahaha. School will resume in about two weeks and I couldnt be happier, I am not happy because of the school/term papers, or my professors annoying voices and attitudes, I am excited because I get to spend most of my time with my friends again, I am too bored here just by myself with no one to talk to. And I want to graduate already and earn money, so that I can buy whatever I want without feeling guilty. I feel sleepy but when I close my eyes I just cant drift into peaceful slumber, I have been this way for a week or so, maybe I am getting excessive with my caffeine intake. I stalked Chito Miranda’s facebook profile and it left me swooning, amazed and jealous. Swooning and amazed because of how proud he is of his wife, it’s rare to see that trait in a man proudly posting a picture of their girlfriend/wife on their social media  accounts with a sweet and sincere caption on it, complimenting and telling her how much he loved her and how thankful he is for her existence in his life. Jealous, because no one has ever been that proud to have me, yeah I have met the parents, uncles and aunts ,siblings of my partner but he has never really introduce me to his friends, I met some of them but not all. I am not pressuring nor demanding to meet them because I believe in perfect timing, and he aint also a romantic, so why am I even expecting? hahahaha.

Anyway, Chito Miranda really is the ideal husband that we girls have been dreaming of. He aint that handsome but his simple effort and projection of love is enough to make him Prince Charming 🙂 his wife is a lucky woman, oh and I dont really care about that other thing because he did right by her. Too bad there arent many Chito Mirandas out there, there would have been fewer bitchy females hahahaha.

The day after

So yesterday was my birthday and it was the best one that I had so far. Last year was also nice because my friends surprised me when I thought we were over throwing surprise parties for each other. This years celebration is the best because I spent it with my  family in the afternoon, I took them to a nearby restaurant and we ate quality food, my brother and I talked about things, my grandmother laughed a little too much and that was always great, and then that night I went to Lucban with my friends we went to a bar and it was awesome we got a little shit faced and we danced until we felt the walls stop spinning around us, I am not a good dancer but I danced like a lunatic yesterday. I wore something that I dont normally wear and I got compliments on how slimmed down I looked, and that felt great.

Someone sent us free drinks but I didnt drink it because I dont trust people hahaha. I have to admit I missed that life, going to bars and dancing and meeting new people without being restrained with the sanctity of monogamy, it was fun. And losing weight and looking better (their words not mine) felt awesome! I didnt think I looked beautiful (and I still dont think so) but being called as one, is nice. I am now sure of what I want, unlike last week where I was confused and doubtful. I talked to him last Wednesday and I apologized for everything, I even told him “If I asked you to come back will you?“, because it has been floating in my mind…that question, even after the night we broke up, and for my own peace of mind I gave up and asked him. I didnt expect him to come back to be honest haha and I will be alright with either a “Yes” or a “No” but he couldnt give me an answer right away. The cool thing about that talk is that we said everything that we have to say to each other, he told me the reason behind why he treated me that way, and I told him that he had to act like a man (because he acts like a stubborn little kid), he said he will give me the answer after a week, that he wanted to review first and I said alright. And I had time to think about it myself, now  I am sure of what I want to do, I want to focus on my studies because I’ll be graduating soon, I want to find myself and enjoy my freedom because I have been in and out relationships since freshman year college, come on I need to get my shit together hahahaha. But I am not saying that I will not allow myself to get into a relationship, what I am saying is that I am no longer optimistic to the posibility of us. And I am not looking for anyone, I am waiting. There’s a difference….if I am bound to have a new boyfriend this semester then okay, i’ll let fate do its job but I aint going to force myself into one.

To be honest, you dont really feel older after every birthday, you wont even feel different. Age is just a number, it’s up to you to better yourself and to make a difference. I learned a lot from my teenage years, I had to learn the hard way but at least I did. I learned that happiness is a choice and that it also depends on us, dont ever beg for someone to stay in your life because if they are meant to stay then they shouldnt have left in the first place, take responsibility for every action and decision that you make, be firm about it. It was also very heart warming because I found out yesterday that I know many people, that they are nice enough to send me birthday greetings and wishes. I am not a “material girl” I appreciate even those kinds of things, all I want is to feel loved and cherished and remembered….and that is what I got yesterday, and that is the reason why this years birthday is the best. I didnt expect anything from anyone and I didnt get disappointed, I didnt wait for anyones birthday greeting and I didnt get upset, do you now see what I meant by saying You’re responsible for your own happiness?. Now I am controlling mine and I have never felt as powerful and in tune with myself. I guess this is what being 20 is about, I am not saying that I figured out how life works….I am just saying that I am kinda enjoying it now. I was a premature baby, my mom gave birth to me in July when it should have been September, I was so small my mom said that I could fit in a size six keds shoe box, and I was so thin that they thought I was going to die that same night. But I didnt, I am now an adult but my father still sees me as a little girl because he still couldnt believe that I pulled through despite being born early, he still calls me his “little miracle”. I am thankful for everything that happened in my life, and if there’s only one thing I regret doing in my teenage years, I guess it has to be that I didnt take chances when I should have. Because now I am full of what if’s in my head, but now I vow to take more risks and to not be afraid anymore.

(Featured Photo: what I looked like from when I became a teenager up to when I was 19. A little tribute to my teenage years haha)

Super Women 

Today is Mother’s day and I would like to make a blog post about the two amazing women in my life, My grand mother and my mother. My grand mother is a normal 61 year old woman, but she has the kindest heart ever, she never gets angry and she takes care of us as if we are her real children, she spoils us with love and she is my number one fan. You see she got custody of us when my parents got divorced, and for that I will say that she is a strong woman, to deal with two children who refused to do anything they are told before, she tried her best to single handedly raise us, which isnt a walk in the park especially when we got to our teens, she started caring for us when I was 9 and my brother was 7, and now I am almost 20 and my brother will turn 18 in September. At first I didnt know what to feel when she started taking care of us, but now I cant imagine life without her. She is the most selfless person ever, she will give us the last piece of cake even if she wanted it so bad, she will give you the Php 20 just so you can buy that chip you wanted and walk home because that amount is all shes got, yes ladies and gentleman she is that perfect, I dont even know what I did to deserve a wonderful human being in my life, she is also the most patient one of all the people that I know because shes still here despite ofmy shitty attitude, sometimes I get annoyed and angry at her, sometimes I throw a fit but she still loves me anyway, and I love her too, I hope she lives for another 60 years because Id be totally lost without her. My mother, is my Queen, I am not gonna lie we fight a lot, we say things that we dont mean, we yell and ignore each other, but that doesnt mean we dont lobe each other. My mother is the prettiest woman in the world for me, inside and out she may act tough most of the time but I know that shes just putting a brave face because she knows how much I look up to her. She is strong, because she had me when she was 19 years old and still she strived to finish her studies, she may not be here most of the time because of work but I understand that, I know that shes doing that for our sake. And even if shes not here, she never fails to make me feel loved, sure most of the time she disagrees with me and makes me thing about my choices but hey, I believe that mothers know best. Thats it everyone, they are my heroes. Happy mother’s day to all the mothers out there, and to those single dads who plays the role of mothers too, I hope you all have a great day ahead and we salute you! ☺️