Proud part of the 3%

Earlier I logged on to my twitter account and was glad to see that the trending topic is not another ridiculous teenybopper one, it was about my choice in the near presidential elections, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago. This will be my first time to vote, and I am glad that my first Presidential vote will be on MDS. Because she is the best one there, the most qualified one to be honest. I’ve got nothing on Mayor Duterte though, I know he has good intentions for our country but Miriam for me is the still the one who will make our nation a little less of a bad place.

She has been my inspiration since I was in the 3rd grade, I remember seeing her campaign ad on the tv then she was running for the senate, it showed a woman who was firing a gun on a target, and then her credentials were spoken and shown and right then and there I fell in love with her. She was the reason why I became the Editor in chief of our High school and College news papers, because I read that she was the first Female EIC of the Collegian, she is my inspiration why I studied hard and why I took the UPCAT (I was put on the waiting list and I thought I’d never get in so I enrolled to another University, just to find out a week later that there was an opening but it was too late haha) and she’s the reason why I overcame my stuttering problem and fear of public speaking, because I see her on the telly when she’s in court and her tenacity in delivering her speeches, I made her my inspiration and because of that I became the captain of the debate team in highschool  a champion declamer, a tour guide and orrator.

Whenever I hear people say “I wanted to vote for MDS but she has cancer and she might die”, it annoys me because she had that for what 2 years now? I dont think she will die YET, and really now? isnt your reason silly? everyone is a ticking time bomb, because no one can tell the exact time or date when they will die, you and I can die later, or tomorrow morning or night, we can die in our sleep, so why not give MDS a chance? I’m sure she’ll be a great leader, she has always been admired by the youth, she has that appeal to us I can tell. And most of the other candidates said that their President is none other than Madam Miriam, so why vote for your candidate when their own preference is MDS? I think that says a lot.I just dont like it when people say that they wont vote for her because she is ill, come on now she’s a strong woman, she’s capable for making this a great nation once again.

So yeah I am a proud member of that 3% who said they’ll vote for MDS, not only because I owe most of the things that I have accomplished now to her, but because she deserves it and she is what our country needs, an intelligent and brave leader. Whatever happens on May 9th, win or lose you will always be my President, you will always be the greatest advocate for the young people.

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what if the one that got away came back?

What will you do?  how will your conversation go? will there be tension?  what will happen? it is intriguing isnt it? everyone has that one person who they wont lose feelings for, may it be your first love or your previous boyfriend. Maybe the reason why it is so hard to get over the person who you consider as this is because, there was never a closure, he already blocked you, changed his email address and his phone number, and just left. Didnt even leave you a letter or didnt give you a single explanation as to why they left, or they didnt give you the chance to do so.

This will be hard, I mean just walking on the same hallway as your ex in school is already awkward now imagine him coming back and begging you to take him back. Well for me, ill probably scoff at his face and say “you made your choice buddy suck it up”. Because it took me months to get over him, I cried a river, lost so much sleep and just had a dark out look in life for a while, got a little bitter and just all out pessimistic, and now that I have moved on he will come back? HOW DARE HE?! the moment he saw me happy and almost the same as before he comes back and what? fuck me up again? NO NOT AGAIN. And it will also be complicated because I am with someone now, and he is a much better boyfriend than my previous one. We fight a lot but we are still together and are actually getting stronger.

So what will I do if the one who got away came back I’ll just laugh and scoff at him because he’s too late, he also is a liar. When we broke up he told me that he’ll come back for me after a couple of years, I already knew it was bullshit because if you truly love someone you’ll stay with them no matter how hard your situation gets, you work on getting it better, and fuck him! what does he think I am? a toy? no I am not like Jessie (Toy Story) who is just stored in a box whenever people get tired of her, no boy dont flatter your self I wont wait for you. And a few weeks after we broke up who do I see? my ex boyfriend with another girl, I wasnt shocked because I already know that he was doing something behind my back, and then he might have been spreading RUMORS about me because whenever I see some of his bros they’ll be laughing on my direction and will be eye-ing me, but you know what? it doesnt bother me. Because whatever he said to those boys, I know most are bullshits, he likes to appear high and superior than everyone else, so whatever lie or story that he can put together he does hahaha.

And after all of the bullying that I had gone through in gradeschool, those snide remarks and smirks isnt enough to break me. To be honest that’s a weak shot.

(Photo is from tumblr|Lyrics are by Katy Perry from her song “the one that got away”)

JUDGED

I was baptised Roman Catholic, I was sent to a Catholic school from Kindergarten to High School. And yesterday I came out to my family as an Agnostic Theist, I wont say that it was an accident I guess it was just never brought up in conversations, nobody ever asked me about my beliefs, it happened like this, my kid cousin and I were sharing my iPad because she was watching me play Clash Royale and she didnt want to go to Church and she asked me why I dont go to masses with them and I told her that I am an “Agnostic Theist” and she told that to her mom yesterday when she was being forced to go to church. And when she told her mom that I was the one who told her about it, my Aunt was furious and she told my grand mother and little did I know my whole family planned a meeting (more like intervention haha)  that afternoon to somehow “enlighten” me of this “absurdity”.

I think it blew out of proportion because whenever they hear anyword that rhymes with “Atheist”, they immediately think that the person who identifies as that worships Satan. Which is funny, I guess it is a big deal to them because they are religious, conservative and traditional (a trait most Filipino Families possess), that’s why most of the time I find it hard to get along with them, most of the time I feel out of place because I am not as devoted as them to Catholic practices, because I find most of them ridiculous. I dont believe in most of the practices and written words, my family are against homosexuals, I love them to death but I dont like it when they talk bad about homosexuals, it’s almost as if those people dont have feelings, when same sex marriage got legalized in the US my family said lots of nasty things which I found wrong, because Love is love, it knows no gender. I hate the fact that because of their religion they became such closed minded people. Yesterdays meeting was one of the most annoying and awkward of them all, some of them said that it’s because of the internet, of the things that I read there and because of my sci-fi novels and movies and so on, but no I have been Agnostic since freshman year high school, that’s why I almost flunked our religion subject, the very reason why I didnt attend any prayer meetings and living rosaries. This isnt a phase, I am not doing this to get attention, yes people my family think that this is a giant hissy fit because they think they dont notice me much, well no to think of it I actually liked being invisible because it saved me the burden of being criticised.

Oh the tension in our living room was high yesterday alright, they were judging me so hard one of my uncles was holding on to a bible so hard that I thought he will slap me in the face with it. I do believe in God and Jesus, and I grew up believing that they are pure of love and acceptance, and I still think of them that way. It was also said that he loves everything that he created, I firmly believe in that. The absurd thing is that my uncle started reading this article about this Korean girl who got a tour in hell I think? she saw what happened to the non believers, rapists and so on, maggots and impalements were mentioned, I dont know if you have heard of that article but I dont believe her. Because I was taught that God is a man of love, he hates seeing us in pain and hurt so why will he permit those kinds of things to be done? I think the whole thing is just spreaded so that people will be scared, and when they are, then they’re easier to manipulate.

They failed to “enlighten” me yesterday. And I dont know what they’ll do to me for the next couple of years but my view will never change. Sorry family.

(photo from google| and yes it is Rihanna on the picture I didnt use her picture because she is an Agnostic too, I dont know if she is, I used her picture because of her facial expression that’s all)

My love song playlist

I am currently facing writer’s block friends and it sucks, you know that feeling when you want to make a blogpost but you just cant finish the article you started because you just run out of words and no matter how much you try you just cant get on with it? Yep, I’m experiencing that right now. So anyway, I thought I’ll share to you guys my favorite love songs awhich will make you fall in love and swoon over your loved one (or if you dont have any, it will just give you warm feeling in your tummy and will still make you grin like a fool haha) so here it goes:

  1. Love Song – The Cure.
  2. Beautiful Mess – Jason Mraz.
  3. Good Feeling – Violent Femmes.
  4. Marry me – Train.
  5. The Girl – City and Colour
  6. With a smile – The Eraserheads
  7. Me and You – Fall Out Boy
  8. Girlfriend in a Coma – The Smiths (Idk I find this sweet okay haha)
  9. Love song – The Ambassadors
  10. Somebody – Depeche Mode
  11. Catch – The Cure
  12. Stay – Mayday Parade
  13. All my loving – The Beatles
  14. Out of my league – Stephen Speaks
  15. All about you – Mcfly
  16. About a Girl – The Academy Is
  17. Make you feel my love – Bob Dylan/Adele
  18. Still into you – Paramore
  19. Smother me – The Used
  20. Your Universe – Rico Blanco
  21. Love at first sight – The Brobecks
  22. Just like heaven – The Cure
  23. Give me love – Ed Sheeran
  24. Bullet – Steel Trains
  25. Here with me – The Killers
  26. Just the girl – The Click Five
  27. Melt with you – Bowling for soup
  28. Safe and Sound – Tonight Alive
  29. I just love you – Five for fighting
  30. Daisy – The Maine

So yeah if you havent heard any these songs yet I suggest that you give it  a listen and enjoy hahaha, I might make more of these though.

Trauma

We had a fight again. And as usual I said stupid and exaggerated things on twitter which he read, it’s kind of funny how, when he knows that I am pissed at him he stalks my twitter account because he knows that I bitch a lot there, but anyway, we didnt talk today, I can feel the tension between the two of us. And he tries really hard for us to work things out, he always does he is the one who thinks of ways to get things right between the two of us, but tonight is different. I think I crossed a line, I think what I said is too much I deleted it though, but I dont know if I meant that or not. I am not sure which one ticked him off but I feel like it’s the one where I tweeted “Buti na lang hindi ako masyadong attached sayo buti hindi ko hinayaan sarili ko/It’s a good thing that I am not that attached to you, it’s a good thing that I didnt let myself” – I think that’s the one that hurt him the most. I hate to admit this but, yes I did mean that.

I am afraid of getting hurt again okay? I dont want to go through the same shit I’ve been through before, I refuse to put my happiness on someone else again, I refuse to be so dependent and needy to one person again, someone whom I’m not sure if he’ll stay sith me for a lifetime, someone who will possibly leave me. Does this make me a bad girlfriend? I dont know, maybe it does. I built walls around me to protect myself. We’ve been together for almost 13 months but to tell you the truth he only knows 15% of me, most of the things that I told him were bullshits because I dont want to become vulnerable to anyone, because when I did that before, he left and I almost didnt make it through. I completely lost myself to him that I didnt know how to function when he left, that I almost refused to get out of bed because I couldnt find a reason to, same goes with my appetite. You see why now? I am sorry for the words I said but I meant most of those. He often complained about my habit of telling my friends our problems and not him, now I am only opening up to social media and he still doesnt like that. I guess reading the truth isnt always fun and games right? I am sorry my love but I had to, I cant be a martyr forever.

I always see myself as a victim, that I am the one who hurts more whenever we fight and my friends think so too but I am not so sure anymore. Maybe I am biased, maybe you’re the victim and  I am the problem. You told me “Nakikita mo lang kasi pagkakamali ko/You only see my faults”, maybe so because I have this expectation, that I am supposed to be treated this certain way, that I deserve this or that, that maybe I dont see that what you’re doing is the only way that you can shower me affection, that maybe I am too caught up with this make believe that I cant see the reality which is the very thing you’re doing. I am so sorry, I will find ways to make you feel appreciated, but I dont know when. I dont know what to say because it already happened, I already said that, we are fighting and now there’s tension between us. IF because of this you decide to leave me, then I will understand, you deserve more I guess.

What exactly do you want?

  So earlier I was scrolling through my newsfeed on facebook, I stumbled upon a post where a girl complained about a guy who didnt let her seat on the cushioned part of the trike as they were both seated on the backside (trike is a public transportation vehicle here), and goes on and on about him not being a gentleman, and says further nasty things about him. I shook my head in disbelief, she’s about my age. And what annoyed me more are the commentators who agrees and takes her side, but what if the boy wasnt feeling well that day? Or that he had a bad back? Didnt that occur to you people? There are two sides to every story. The reason why this annoys me is that here in our country like in most, we fight for equal rights, the same girl who posted that is also the one who posts femminazi shits, see how ironic that is? Femminism is good alright, femminazi isnt. Bitching about a boy who wont give up a seat for you, not holding out a door for you, paying for your dinner, or carrying a box for you doesnt exactly help you in your fight to be treated equally as the male gender. Same goes to the women who, got hit because she hit the man first, yes I am blaming YOU, will I get a lot of shit because of saying this? Maybe I will but hear me out, I am not saying that hitting a woman is okay, it is not, in fact hitting other HUMAN BEINGS is not. He hit you back because he is defending himself because youre batshit crazy, hysterical and hitting him with a frenzy of catlike scratches and kicking and punching him, it is a natural human instinct to defend oneself in cases like that. So what are you bitching about? You brought that on yourself. Domestic abuse isnt just for women, it is for all, men get abused too for example Matthew Santoro a famous Youtuber, there was also a social experiment conducted where a man was treating a woman roughly in the streets and the people immediately stepped in and tried whooping the man’s ass, but when they reversed it, when it was the woman who was beating the man in public, people gathered, watched, jeered and took videos, what the fuck was that about? Regardless of gender we are human beings, we shouldnt hurt each other, we must respect each other so that we are able to live in harmony.                                                                                                                                                               I am a woman and I try to do these things by myself, it is fairly simple. I brought the bag so why shouldnt I carry it? I have money so why cant I pay for my meal? I have hands so why cant I open the doors for myself? Unless the man initiates on helping me. And they get surprised when I open the door for them, but they smile afterwards. I am a simple and logical human being, I tend to think of things the way they are stated or said. Dumb fucks here in the Philippines claim to know what that is, and are “fighting” to get it, yet they say and do things that doesnt justify that cause. Living in a country where the majority of the population are catholics, and having a very conservative culture produce closed minded and judgmental people, hypocrites and self righteous, not to mention arrogant, these traits come from the majority of the younger population, each thinks that they are better than the other sometimes I wished that I lived in a different country. Well I have said too much already, and I think this is enough for today. 

Little Alex

My favorite movie of all time is Stanley Kubrick’s “A clockwork Orange”, I havent read the novel but the movie is amazing. I watched it first when I was I think 10 or 9 years old, I typed “disturbing movies” on Youtube and its trailer came on, so what I did was I streamed it immediately and fell inlove with it instantly. The soundtracks are fantastic, that’s what I like about Kubrick, and how it was shot, it looks pretty futuristic and Malcolm Mcdowell’s acting is superb. Just like Alex, I love classical music as well, and the way it was used in the movie is just awesome, I liked how it was used in their fight scene with Billy Boy and his droogs.

I also loved the language they used in the movie, I dont know what it is but I think it is cool. Their costumes are also gorgeous, and there’s something about his voice (Malcolm) that soothes me, he kinda looked like Evan Peters too, you know that guy who played Tate Langdon in American Horror Story. I liked the film because despite being graphic and violent, it had scenes that can also break your heart especially for Alex, when you think that you shouldnt feel bad for him because of the things he did before, when you should feel happy for that writer who they crippled because he finally is getting revenge for what Alex did to him and his wife, but no, that’s when you know the film is good, when you feel sad or your heart breaks for the villain. It’s heart wrenching when he came home from the hospital and told his parents “I am cured”, just to find out that they rented his room to another guy and that they wont let him stay anymore, and the guy who rents his room tells him these mean shits, which is also right by the way, but I hate him for saying that because at that point Alex is already by homeboy you know what I mean? I feel for him hahahaha. I didnt get fazed by the violence though, even at a young age the only bad thing that I got from this movie is that I cant listen to “Singing in the rain” without being reminded of how they brutally beat the author and the lady, and saying “Uh oh that’s a bit of the old ultraviolence eh now mum?” whenever I watch the news and people got beaten or is murdered.

I dont really know if what I had written is a review or not, but if you think that it is then I am sorry for how sucky it is hahaha I am not a critic just your average movie goer okay? I made this post to show my appreciation for this amazing movie. It is my favorite childhood and movie of all time, Alex Delarge didnt get cured he was just being controlled, it is equivalent to an animal being whipped at a circus so that it will obey what the person with the whip is commanding. I hated Dim, Georgie Boy and Billy Boy okay? watch the movie and you’ll find out why. I recommend it, a little caution though it is very graphic and violent, and is not for the faint of heart.

(Photo is from Tumblr)

To the boy that I love

Babe,

This might seem too cheesy for you because I’m not like this, you know never the one to say sweet things, never showy but hear me out. Often times, I may seem cold and distant to you I am aware of that and as hard as I try not to be, I fail. You see, you cant blame me because you seem like that to me as well most of the time. I always pick fights with you, often on small and shallow things like why you’re not texting or chatting me up, it’s because I want your attention, I want you to notice me, Im not an ego maniac, and I am sorry if that seem selfish, but I know that you have cellphone load and I SEE you online on facebook, it makes me paranoid okay? even if I dont want to my mind makes these things up like you chatting with other girls, and making them laugh and asking their number, and then they make you laugh, you see that drives me crazy! because I dont care if they just want to be friends with you, Fuck it I dont want to SHARE YOU. There I said it, and I am afraid that you might get attached to them and leave me because I am a bag of shit, Yes I am afraid to LOSE you. I know I always say that I am not but I really do. I treasure you and our relationship, lots of times I know it seem that I dont, you see I’m just masking everything up, my emotions that is, because I want to appear strong. I dont want to seem vulnerable, but the truth is that it’s killing me whenever you’re not by myside.  It’s a defense mechanism that I developed, just like how I learned to become a little funny so that people will still want me to be their friend even if I am ugly. I only want YOU, I dont want to be with anybody else, I have been with 3 people already and I want you to be my last because I have had it with starting all over again, I want us to be together until we’re old and gray, I only want to be with you because your eyes drive me crazy, your voice gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling, your arms wrapped around me makes me feel safe and your scent makes me feel at home, I want all of you, forever and always. I want to be the mother of your children, I want to cook for you and I want to take care of you. Do I sound like a psychotic and insane girlfriend? I’m sorry if it seemed like that haha.

I get angry at you sometimes because you dont tell me your problems, that you dont tell me how your day was, you dont tell me the reason why you’re annoyed or sad or mad. I want you to tell me everything, because I want to help you, I want to be your bestfriend, I want to be the first person you go to, I want to get to KNOW you more. I am supposed to be your partner in crime, the Scherbatsky to your Stintson, the chesse to your macaroni. I wish you’d be more open and vocal to me. I love you, the kind of love that doesnt judge, that always want to protect and make you feel alright. The only problem I have is I dont know how to show it. If you ever get tired of me, tell me so that I can do something about it, so that I can change whatever it is that bores you. My appearance, my attitude, I am willing to do that for you, I am willing to be selfless for you, I only ask for you to do the same. I only ask that you love me unconditionally as well.

I hate people who tell me you’re not good enough for me or that you do not deserve to be my boyfriend. Well to them I say FUCK OFF, because they dont know what you’re like. You may not be the sweetest or the warmest person, but there’s no one out there like you. I know how difficult it is to love me, many tried but failed and gave up. But you didnt, and you’re still loving me until now, you’re still understanding me and my childish attitude and my coldness. I am thankful that you didnt let me break up with you, after I tried to for 4 times already, that you didnt let you even if there are times when you could have. The reasons why I did break up with you is because you dont give me time, that you value your peers more than me and that you dont put much effort, I cant feel that. I know that I dont exert effort as well but so that you know, the only one I am waiting for is you to make the first move, and I’ll gladly follow. That’s how I am, I dont know whether thats a good or bad trait, I just want to make sure that I wont get cheated on. That we will be equal.

I  am really hoping that you will be my last, because I’ve never wanted anyone this much. I dont know what it is about you, but if you will let me I’d like to figure that out during our lifetime…..together.

 

I love you.

Obnoxious.

I logged on here tonight not knowing what to blog about but now I have figured it out. I’m currently listening to “Beautiful Mess” a love song by Jason Mraz, it’s also one of my favorite love songs of all time my top one is “Love Song” by the Cure haha. But anyway, are you fond of extravagant surprises? like the ones that have helium filled balloons floating in the ceiling, dozens of cupcakes on display, sweet messages on post its on the walls, completed with a giant teddy bear on the living room? (I am talking about surprises that couples do okay) yes? well I’m not. I am not judging those who do though, I’m just writing this on my behalf. You might be asking why, it’s because I hate mess, the word I used might be harsh but that’s really it for me. If my boyfriend does this for me, i’ll thank him for his efforts but i’ll tell him after that a simple dinner of pizza and chocolates should have been enough. Now am I a grinch? I am.

I am the kind of girlfriend who do not demand that much material things, I like sneakers and band shirts, I dont even like teddy bears that much or stuffed toys one is enough and I already have it. I only like food, hahaha am I a glut? I might be. Im the kind of girlfriend who only want to be showered with love by means of his attention and affection. That’s why I get pissed at my boyfriend when he ignores me all day. Because that’s all I ask from him, I dont ask for diamond rings and expensive strings of pearl. Engagement will be the only occasion that these surprises will be appropriate for me, that will be the only time where spending on decorations, gifts, flowers and fancy meals is acceptable, for me. Not on monthsarries, if there’s one thing that I am so annoyed to see on my timeline it’s those kinds of videos, some are cute alright, those who do it because it’s their 10 year anniversary as a couple or a married couple, but grade schoolers and high school students? excuse me while I vomit. I am not bitter okay, puppy love is a thing, but wasting too much money on decorations and rallying up your whole class just to do that? it’s ridiculous. If you’re a teenager here or a young person here in the Philippines you’ll see a shit ton of those things and I think you’ll feel the need to laugh and shake your head like I do too. I am sorry that is stupid alright? and then after 3 weeks or 3 months you’ll see the same girl crying her eyes out, or drunk yelling, kicking and screaming, “BAKIT MO AKO INIWAN ?MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA JIMBOYYYY!/WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JIMBOY!” months have passed she’s still viral and being made fun of.

I know it’s none of my business but I cant help but comment on that because I am annoyed okay? so yeah that’s what I think about surprises, I hate them HAHAHA. How about you? feel free to comment down or message me on what your views on this too 🙂

(featured image from google)

Mel Reads: Symmetry by Almost Through 

 Hello there it is no secret that I love reading, and that I appreciate disturbing stuff whether it be a movie, book or story. This time I read a creepypasta story titled “symmetry”, it is one of my favorites because of how graphic and sadistic it is, I also liked how well it was written. Since it is summer already here in the Philippines, Ive got nothing to do and I didnt want to watch tv because there’s nothing worth watching so I read instead. If you wanna hear me reading here’s the link https://www.facebook.com/WhiskeyPrincess07/posts/10206263053720602  haha excuse my voice and interpretation of the story. But hey at least I got a little productive haha it’s worth the listen (not my voice bear with it though, the STORY). I may do more of these in the future hahaha I think ill do Russian Sleep experiment next ☺️