Fix you

I tried fixing you my love, but I am not entirely sure if I successfully did. I tried to tame your demons but my own demons are eating me alive. How can I fix someone who doesnt want to be fixed? I was so obsessed with the notion that I can glue your broken pieces back together, but I was wrong. I was red and you were white, most of the time we dont get along, your ideals are far from mine, and we are like two religious people trying to convince one another that each other’s God is better. I tried quitting, Once…twice….and now we’re on the fourth. I dont regret giving us this many chances, because I love you. I got tired before but this time I will not succumb to that, I’ll fight the loneliness and the neglect from you, hoping that one day you will realize my worth. I am not an affectionate person, perhaps I am one of the cold ones but mind you, whenever I say I love you, I really mean it. And I just dont say those words to anyone, you’re among the few who I say that to. Because when we started dating I noticed that you have these high walls around you, that you dont let other people see your true self, but I noticed that there’s more to you, that what you’re showing me and to everyone is just a facade, and I vowed that I will break that down, that I will be your partner in crime, your human journal, I’ll be the best listener that you’ll ever have. But a year had passed and I still couldnt break those walls, I may have scratched it a little but you’re still tough, instead of venting to me you choose to spend on liquor and go on night outs with your friends whom you wont tell intimate shit with as well, instead of facing your problems you run away from it, you are careful not to show you’re hurting and that makes me sad, my love. Cant you see that I am here? cant you feel my sincerity and loyalty to you? all I want is to be someone who you can confide to when you have problems. But you never tell me anything, and that hurts because how can I help you when you dont tell me anything? it offends me because it’s like  I am a worthless lover, how can you not tell me things when I am here,offering my unconditional love to you? do you fear my judgement? sweet heart I will not judge you. I will be here to offer warm hugs and kisses that will (hopefully) make you feel better, give you advice and cheer you up. How can I do that when you wont even give me a chance?

Now I will not try to fix you anymore, I will try and fix myself first. I will be here to love you though, to sing you to sleep during sleepless nights, to hold you whenever you feel cold or scared, to try and fight your demons, and to support you. I wouldnt force you to tell me your problems, but I wish you would. I dont know what my purpose in your life is but I will be here, I will never leave you, not again and not ever. Not unless you ask me to, then I will not fight you on that.