Holiday blues

Hey, I havent been active because I am always swamped at work. Anyway, everything is going fine with me I bought so much shoes from my paychecks, clothing and I am finally learning how to cook properly. Adult life is still confusing though, it’s almost xmas and I’m still single haha but it’s because I refuse to go out with men yet I want to do it next month you know? for it to be a real fresh start. I always get sad as xmas comes close every year since I was 9, it’s because I’ve never really spent any xmas dinners and eve with my parents…..they’re still alive so dont get me wrong. I will spend it with my brother and grandmother, and although I love them to death it’s just not the same you know? other kids would be sitting at a table next to their mothers and fathers being thankful for all of the things they received and all I had was a postcard from my dad from abroad and a text greeting from my mom. We still received gifts of course, but however cliche it sounds I’d be happier to have them instead.

I should tell you of course that they’re both working abroad then and now still (well my dad is, my mom is working in MNL now), but I know most families with the same plight as us whose folks manage to be home at xmas. I guess my parents just didnt care, and because of that I see xmas as a sad holiday, I dont hate it of course because I see how much people have been looking forward to it. It’s just for me it’s nothing special (dont tell me it’s because Im a non-believer okay?), I guess for other people it’s about family bonding and stuff like that, for me it’s just cold, damp and an excuse to over eat. We received awesome new clothes, shoes, watches and food from the US as children but we had no parents. And even though I feel this way, in the future if ever I decide to have children of my own (bec right now Im scared of the whole idea of raising a human being), I will make sure to make them feel the xmas spirit, the magic and to make only good memories for them, so when they are adults and have a blog they wont make this kind of gloomy entry of how their parents never cared about them around this time of year, so that all they can say is how magical and joyous it is, they’ll have their tales of seeing nanay kissing Father xmas hahaha.

Well there was this one time I saw my dad wrap and put gifts for us under the tree maybe I was 8 then….and just before we ate they had an argument over something as petty as my dad not getting the cake my mom wanted (or something as petty, but I forgot what it really was), and ended up trashing up our living room because she went ballistic and threw things at him again, I guess they were too young when they got married, or it’s because they never really loved each other. I dont know man haha xmas just gets me all the time, for the worst reasons. But forget what I said, advance Merry Christmas to you and Happy Holidays!

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