Dear people,

I have been fed up from all of the shit that facebook had for a long time now that I rarely use the damn thing, the Philippine society is so fucking cancerous that it’s so fucking shameful to be a part of. I am far from being pure, but I am not one of these people, at least I am more open minded and open to new things. Here  are my 2 cents,

  • Whoever people choose to support in politics is their prerogative,  wishing them to get raped, get hit by a car or die in a fire, because they criticised him and his ways is disgusting and wrong. Use your democracy wisely, many people died for that.
  • A person’s personal life is none of your beeswax. If he or she has a “sugar daddy” or “sugar momma”, it doesnt concern you so why are you so intent in bashing them? it’s not your duty to expose them, or to condemn, dont get mad at them because they have something you dont have, it’s their moral not yours so shut up.
  • If a  celebrity chooses to get some work done (plastic surgery) anywhere in her body and face  is their business. It’s their money too, telling them it only made them look worst wont change anything, what’s done is done. There’s a reason behind everything, maybe they became more confident after they had it done….stop being an asshole.
  • Those who post about slimming pills, whitening products and stuff like that? It’s okay to see them. People are trying to earn a living, stop asking them to take it down and say that those  are ineffective anyway, dude to each their own.
  • Starbucks and other food pics are alright, it’s their money, they want to show off? so what? let them live.
  • Bashing trans people for being who they are is disgusting. Is it that hard to accept them? and if you dont have anything good to say dont say anything at all. Dont you have manners? Jake Zyrus is a person, not a fucking target. Cyberbullying him wont make him go back to  being a woman, damning him to hell wont either.
  • Living in with your partner is not taboo. We’re in the 21st century Philippines, come on. And most people on the comment section say shit like they’ve never done a single naughty thing in their life, y’all are  fucking each other behind your “families”  backs and you bash two consenting adults who pay their own rent, buy their own food and try to live in harmony together? stop this hypocrisy.
  • Posting about Jesus and  different images that promises salvation is alright. If they believe that it’s helping them get a spot in heaven then let them be. It’s their belief not yours, respect them.What’s not okay?  shoving your beliefs down the throats of people who chose  not to believe in your religion.
  • Not believing in God and anything holy is alright. As long as  you arent stepping on anyone, respect them, just respect everybody.
  • Rape culture, victim blaming is still prevalent in our society. Why is it so hard to understand consent? and that women dont owe you anything? we dont dress to impress you, whatever it is we choose to wear, be it a plunging neckline, booty shorts and backless tops, you dont have the right to harass us. Control yourself, stop your impulse to hump anything with exposed skin.
  • Having brown skin is alright, you’re Filipino. But having such skin doesnt give you the right to talk down to those who were born with a white complexion. Saying that they’re just beautiful because of their complexion is just mean it’s not like all of y’all are pretty. Be nice to each other.
  • People who post shit saying that they’re better than those girls who wear make up are just disgusting. Stop it, it’s their money, they have the skill, you’re jealous and maybe a little insecure.
  • It’s okay to be smart. Smart shaming people because they corrected you is messed up, why dont you just listen? you might learn a thing or two.

I can go on forever but as of now Im gritting my teeth, Im mad. Why cant people just be nice to each other? stop judging each other and start respecting each other instead. Im thinking of deactivating my facebook account but I dont purchase cellphone load anymore and I only rely on free data to communicate with most of my family and friends. But anyway that’s all for now, Im going to make another post in the future maybe, because there’s still more.

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Here’s my 2 cents

I was scrolling through my facebook feed last night and I chanced upon an article about a local celebrity couple here in the Philippines and it was about them, “living” together despite not being married yet. The woman confirmed it stating “Everyone’s doing it” her reason, it isnt the best answer but who are we to judge? celebrities dont even have to discuss their private lives in the public you know? what goes in their bedrooms should be kept there, it should only be known to the masses if they chose to. I read some of the comments and immediately got disgusted. I dont really like the celebrity couple, but even I got offended by most of the people saying that they are going to hell for cohabiting, and that they arent fans anymore because what they’re doing is “immoral”. Jesus Christ guys, really? in this day and age you still have that mindset? What’s so wrong about it? isnt it more preferable?

Enlighten me please, what is so wrong with two consenting adults moving in the same house and who are capable of supporting each other financially? is marriage the issue here? most fuck each other on a regular basis and they arent married(some arent even a couple). I am guessing most of the commentators have and yet they had the face to judge. who are you to judge them? I am so pissed at this because I think this practice is great because couples get to know if they are compatible with each other. But to each to their own, I will respect you if you dont approve of this practice if you respect those who do. But if you’re going to talk rubbish and pull out a bible verse because they defile your idea of what “moral” behaviour is, then I am sorry, but you are a shitty human being.

A trial ground for something such as “marriage” is a good thing, dont you think? since it is a union of two people who vow to be with each other for as long as they live. As I have mentioned before I have a broken family, and it’s all because my parents have differences they cant reconcile, they got annulled and it was painful for me and my brother, which messed me up and my perspective of love but I do think that lifelong partnerships can happen. And if I did get married, I dont want to get separated I dont want to repeat my parents’ mistake, I dont want a broken family and traumatize my future children. That’s why I plan on having this with my future boyfriend, I dont have one at the moment but I am determined to make my next one my last. I think it will be fun to live in a house with the person you love and see if living with each other is tolerable. I cant wait to live in my own house with the love of my life and our 3 dogs (yes, I want to have 3 dogs in the future) my grandma wont let me have them because she says that they are a lot of work.

Try and broaden your understanding of things guys, we live in modern times and it’s still changing. Let’s try and change for the better shall we? let’s not revert to old days, there’s a reason why our society is evolving, go with the flow.

Smartshamed

Yesterday I was at our local daycare center because my grandmother had to get something done, so she asked  me to take care of my brother at school. Most of the people there are middle aged moms, aunts and I guess nannies. Now their conversations go around soap operas, whose husband is cheating on whom, Ian Venaracion and you know just general ” mom bants” . Now, I knew that because I observed them for 3 days already and I kid you not, it’s just cancerous gossip! (though I dont think most moms are like that). Since I couldnt relate to most of them, I bring novels but I do join in occasionally. Then yesterday they started talking about healthy snacks for their children and somehow it got to one of them saying “Sa tingin ko mani ay masustansyang ibigay at di bagat nuts yun?/I think peanuts are a healthier choice because they are classified as nuts?”, then I said “Actually po tita, hindi po talaga classified as “nut” ang mani, legumes po talaga sila/Actually they arent really classified as “nut” they are actually classified as legumes”, and then they looked at each other and I swear to god I regretted ever having knowledge of that and for opening my mouth,because she said “EDI WOW IKAW NA MATALINO HA-HA-HA/THEN WOW! ARENT YOU A SMART ONE? HA-HA-HA” and they laughed in unison. I know it was sarcasm and I blushed, but what am I supposed to do? I couldnt scream “WELL IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU OLD TIMERS DIDNT KNOW THAT, BE GRATEFUL I EDUCATED YOU” because that would be against my values (I am a Filipino, we dont talk back to older people especially “Aunties“, well I dont), so I just smiled at them and buried myself in my book again. And all the while I just thought to myself “I cant wait to get home, lock myself in my room and listen to music, I freakin hate people”.

That isnt the first time I experienced that, there was that time with my mom, my aunt, even my freaking brother and friends. And I think the reason why they think it’s alright is because a comedian here in our country does this on a regular basis, on national TV! and because of that it’s suddenly “okay” to berate/mock people like me who knows more than them because it’s apparently “funny”. Now I am not saying that I am a genius, and I know what you’re thinking maybe you correct them all the time like an asshole, well no. I just couldnt help giving trivias about stuff that I know about, mostly those that I find fascinating. Like members of a band, hermaphrodite species and so on….I dont correct people all the time like a fucking grammar nazi on facebook who floods your comment section with “*you’re” whenever you make a mistake, or a freaking typo. I only say lengthy speeches whenever you ask me for my point of view/opinion on something, if you are being stupid on social media and you had been for a while, or I am drunk. I hate it whenever I am explaining something to someone, like to my bestfriend and she’d mock the way I speak by making these noises with her mouth and puckering her lips and shit like that, it’s not like I’m saying something trashy like goddamn gossip and shit like soap operas and local loveteams.

The response I absolutely despise other than the bloody “K” is “EDI WOW/THEN WOW” I know it doesnt make sense when translated in English, but it is a typical moronic response here in our country when a person doesnt know what to respond to your often logical and factual argument. I fucking hate it, excuse me but a thousand people died for our freedom of Speech/expression for you to fucking respond like that. Stop making me feel like a fucking weirdo for being smart, you’re basically bullying me. People often ask me why I am so quiet, why I dont speak sometimes, it’s because if I do and say something clever or a trivia/factoid (I dont know why I am like this too, I dont know why I know so much shit about something and why I love sharing them) you’d mock/heckle me. And then I’d have to feel bad about the way I am and I’d feel like shit. Maybe if that celebrity would stop glamorizing it, maybe people will calm down and actually try and engage in a meaningful conversation with me.

I’m sorry if this came off as narcissistic or boastful, that isnt my intention. I just wanted to share what I feel because if I dont then it will bother me for a long time hhahaha.

Spinning my way to sanity

My cousin gave me a purple coloured fidget spinner last Saturday which I thought was funny, because he knows how much I hate “trendy things”. Whatever, call me a “hipster” or snob but I just dont like joining a craze or coming aboard a bandwagon. Anyway, I tossed it on my desk and forgot about it until this monday when I worked on my desk because my brother asked me to write an poem for his girlfriend, he bribed me with a cheese burger what can I do? I found this small white box, and I picked it up and saw the purple gizmo in it.

At first I smirked and thought to myself “Yeah, I’ll open it and use it for the irony” I got it out and I made it spin, it was spinning while I was working and I scolded myself for judging it because I wasnt distracted the whole time I was writing. Unlike most of the time where a single fly would add another minute to whatever I was doing because I’d stare at it and try to chase it and swat it until I get distracted by another thing, and it’s either I forget that I was doing something or I finish it late. I liked the very thing I was mocking, I felt bad for doing so. But I wasnt that convinced yet, I turned my computer on and I started watching Bate’s Motel and for an hour I sat still and I was focused the whole time instead of picking on my hair, or the corner of my pillow.

It helped me focus, it helps a lot in controlling my adhd/anxiety. Here I am thinking that it’s just a trendy new toy for the “cool” kids, to be honest I thought it was the new yo-yo because I’ve seen so many videos on instagram and on my facebook feed of people doing tricks with it that I shrugged it off. Then I did a quick google search and found out that its purpose is exactly that, to help people with adhd, add, anxiety which was pretty cool, and then after that I saw an article saying that it’s been banned on some schools in the USA and I immediately felt bad for the young people just like me who really is diagnosed with that kind of disorder who needs these for their condition. It’s really unfair for them, this is why this isnt just necessary for “all” teenagers to have, this isnt like bayblade and yoyos, this is a tool designed to help people with certain conditions.

It is a great tool. I went to the doctor earlier too because I am out of asthma medication and I had to get examined by her again because it had been awhile since my last visit, and normally I’d have a restless leg, it will just move in a swift up and down motion and it annoys the people who sit beside me because they said that it makes them dizzy, and I do agree with that. But earlier, I wasnt like that the fidget spinner is my new thing and I learned that I shouldnt make quick judgements on products just because they’re trendy.

Im going back to 505

Happiness is temporary isnt it? some might disagree and say that they are living in constant bliss, but my question is…until when will you deny your sadness? until when will you wear that mask of yours? I’m sure sometimes it gets too much and you go into an episode of a mental breakdown. Is it worth it though? if you’re doing that for a relationship, did it work? are you contented with it now? probably not.

That’s my problem. I bottle up everything, giving people the illusion of a happy go lucky girl, when all I really wanna do is shoot everyone in the face. Is that being fake? I dont know, because I consider that as being the “right” thing to do. In this day and age, who likes confrontations? I consider that rather barbaric. In comment sections, that is somewhat common, but those who initiate it are trolls who are hungry for attention, or those annoying “know it alls” who spend their time nitpicking on every answer finding any possible mistake.

I dont like confrontations, well a healthy debate is another thing, but confrontation in its true meaning? no, thank you. It’s not that I am a coward, I can fight alright. But I dont see the point, like I said previously we’re already in the 21st century and we’ve proven that violence doesnt solve anything. I am a firm believer that every fight, can be solved with a peaceful talk you know? because most of the time the cause of it is a “misunderstanding”. But given the animalistic nature of us human beings, we get aggressive and start to scream and throw punches.

How long will it take until you break? yeah I chose that as a title because, well if you dont know yet that is a line that I took out of an Arctic Monkeys song which is “505” which is a song about a couple, where the man says that he wants to go back to 505. 505 is a room number by the way, and my interpretation is that it represents the happier days in their relationship, basically the song is just that the man wanting to go back to those days when they were happy, and crazy in love with each other. Until the bridge goes “BUT I CRUMBLE COMPLETELY WHEN YOU CRY…“, that’s where he broke down. And by that I mean, came back to reality that they arent as happy as they used to be and it makes him feel terrible.

The majority of us only want to be happy. Because who the hell wants to feel sad, cold, lonely and hurt right? so we make this make-believe world that everything is in tip top shape even if it isnt. An illusion which only breaks our spirit in the long run, because you keep making lies and making yourself believe that it is true. We always want to go back to 505, even if it takes a 45 minute or a 72 hour drive, in our imaginations. We still have to face the reality that some things arent meant to be and that we have to accept it in order that achieve true happiness, instead of a fake one. Sometimes you have to let go of something or someone because they/it causes more damage than good.

I hope one day we dont have to use a mask just to appear happy. The world will have fewer psychopaths and serial killers that way.

 

(Kidding of course)

I think you’re doing it wrong.

So a new trend has started here in our country which I know has been around for quite some time now. It’s this internet challenge called “Be careful who you bully challenge”, at first I was alright with it because I thought “well it’s a good thing that my fellow victims have the confidence to show off how beautiful they are now”, but then as days passed and as I scrolled through my news feed I saw this collage, and it had a caption “#becarefulwhoyoubullychallenge” and it was my gradeschool bully. It infuriated me, because the nerve of her to post something like that when she doesnt have the right, she was the one who tortured me all day from 1st grade to 6th grade and now i’ll see a post from her saying “Now I can smile and say that I AM A SURVIVOR”, Really girl? No you’re not, you’re the tormentor. I swear nobody bullied you because I was there. It wasnt you who got thrown eggs at and reeked for days, no you bimbo! it was me and you did it to me. And  what did I do? I made a status saying “I swear, nobody bullied you. Why are you doing that challenge? hahaha it’s ironic actually, because the bully was you”. 

Now I am annoyed at these kinds of posts because I start seeing people from my alma mater and also other people who I am sure nobody bullied, and who are actually part of the popular clique. They are in it for the sake of being internet famous/ for the likes and reactions, which actually is stupid because the only thing that can be concluded from it was that they didnt have filter and effects then, and now they have VSCO and snapchat. Now I am not being a buzzkill, I’ll admit that some are valid because you can really see their transformation, the only thing that is bothering me is the title of the so called “challenge” they are doing, they werent bullied so the collage is simply a “Before and After” photo. Stop being misleading, and what the fuck are you trying to prove? do you think the people who will see your post will instantly feel pity for you? I was a victim of bullying, you’ll never make me do that challenge, not because it’s mainstream because I think the value of that challenge is gone, and now for me it is stupid. Because those who were bullied who posted their pictures to show that they are now capable of doing so because they have self confidence arent justified, because people who want to attract attention but werent bullied does it too.

My fellow victims of bullying, the real way to show our bullies that we won is not just by posting a collage showing how much our appearance has changed it’s by showing them that we became better people than they ever will be, that we have survived the physical and emotional trauma/damage that they have caused and that we are happy and living our lives to the fullest now. And my message to those who post these kinds of picture collage even though they werent bullied ever in their lives:shame on you for riding in the coat tails of my fellow victims and I, stop doing this challenge okay? this isnt for you. I am not telling you to stop posting pictures of yourself though, or any throw back pictures, use the right hashtags and label. Stop collaging us to death, phonies 🙂

I finally figured it out

The reason why I hated Taylor Swift so much even though she didnt do anything bad to me,is because we have something in common. It’s not that I had dozens of boyfriends already, it’s because we both see ourselves as “victims“, we developed this so called “victim mentality”. I now understand that it’s the thing that is keeping me from evolving as a person, I always tell people that my “bullied past” is already behind me, but yesterday when I read an article about the Swift and Mr and Mrs West’s dispute I realized that no, I still havent moved on from it yet. I still see myself as a victim, a defenseless fat child with nothing to do but to fake a smile and utter the words “I am okay” even if I am being torned apart inside and all I want is to cry and scream.

And it occured to me that I should stop having this mindset because it is not healthy. I should see myself not as a dementor, but as a regular human being. No one is bullying me anymore (well except for my own mind, hey everyone has their own demons), my parents are divorced so I dont have to hear their constant screaming and physical fights, I am not in a romantic relationship with anyone as of the moment so I dont have to get worked up on someone’s “well being”. So why the heck am I torturing myself with this “oh poor me” attitude? I am a winner. And it’s about time I act like one. I am not that ugly, but I am also not beautiful I am on the safe side, I look “okay”, I am not dumb I know how to speak fluent English and a bit of Mandarin and I have the ability to write poetry, songs and I can draw. I can sing, I can play a number of musical instruments and I know how to play several video games, so why the fuck should I feel sorry for myself when I have been a champion all along? you know what? fuck those people who made me feel down, who doubted my abilities, who fucking broke my heart. No, you fuckers I will not let you harm me again I am over you guys.

There’s nothing wrong with my attitude, I have been like this for years and so far, it hasnt done me harm. Maybe the problem was how you treated me, maybe I shouldnt be the one to adjust this time, this “I am a victim” mentality has been holding me down, well I say fuck it, I am not bullied no more, no parents to make me feel bad about myself, no boyfriend to stress me out, no I am independent and I dont need constant reassurance from other people to make me feel good about myself. Just stop playing the victim Taylor, stop making these fuckers sympathize for you, stop manipulating them like what I did to others too. Stop triggering their guilt to get what you want. It’s time to play fair, well at least that’s what I’ll be doing from now on.

Friday: Stressed

I thought by being single i’ll be free from  stress because i’d have no one to worry about, or to think about in a “has he eaten yet?” kind of way, but I was wrong because I still am! but unlike before where I become paranoid because I think about stuff like “is he with another woman and is she making him happier?” this time I get stressed about the things I see on social media. Because I am now single the only purpose of my facebook account is to keep me from being bored by scrolling through my feed, I dont do that before because the only facebook feature that I used was the messenger but now it’s a different story HAHAHA. I get bothered easily because I hate it when people act stupid. Yes, I used the word “act” because I dont believe that stupidity is inborn, no one was born with it. I get irritated with this certain “sexy personality” who claims that she is a “journalist” albeit not having an educational background on journalism, all because she makes these long ass text posts about her “idol” who happens to be someone who is elected in the highest position in this country, she makes these one sided claims which is highly unethical if she really is a legitimate journalist. And the sad part about it is that many people back her up, a bimbo is backed by hundreds of people who appear to be rational and educated. Why do you tolerate her? well I know what you’re going to tell me, “we live in a democratic country and everyone is allowed to express their opinions”, yes well I suggest for her to comeback to her expertise…teaching people how to give lap dance and tips on how to give the perfect blow job. Leave journalism and political analysis to the professionals please.

The other thing that  bothers me is the amount of summary killings this past month, what happened to “innocent until proven guilty”, why are you people okay with this? Is lawful arrests and speedy trials with stern sentences impossible to do? is it too difficult? what if some of these people who have died are innocent and they just got slaughtered because they fit the image of a drug addict or a drug pusher? is the word heard through a grapevine conviction enough to punish someone with death? why is this being tolerated by the government? is this what change is like? I was appalled by a picture I saw on my feed, it was a photo of a little girl dressed in pink bloodied on a car seat, Jesus Christ, it was a drug ambush…she is a helpless child why did you have to do it to her too? is contacting the proper authorities that hard for you that you are willing to slaughter a helpless child just to punish a so called “drug user/pusher”? when was it okay to kill? wasnt it in the 10 commandments  “thou shalt not kill thy neighbor”. “God is the only one who can claim lives” I once heard the mother superior in my school (I studied in a Catholic school before) say, why are there so many people playing God now? arent you all Jesus freaks? dont you believe in the judgement day and in heaven and hell? when will your illusion that you’re doing this country a favor by killing these “alleged suspects” end? dont you see you’re making it a hell hole? am I the only rational person here?

All of us are possible drug users/pushers, there is no way of telling. What are you basing this on? looks and informants? have you investigated long enough to know if these are factual claims? who will die next? an old woman/man? someone’s uncle Pipoy? a poorly looking carpenter? these are the things that keep me up at night. The disturbing fact that people are getting slaughtered and wrapped in tapes and labeled with “I am a drug user/pusher dont be like me” in a piece of cardboard in their chest and the majority of Filipino people being okay with it saying “they deserved it“. Did that little girl deserve it too?

What happened to my beloved country? i’d like to quote Mr. Yan Yuzon:

“How much longer will you keep convincing yourself that these shady drug killings are the price we have to pay for peace? Because at this rate, it seems we will be paying everyday–for a very long time. Collateral damage–these lives?”

Unpopular Review: Green Inferno

I always thought of Eli Roth as my Spirit animal haha. Because one of the first horror movies that I have watched and loved as a child was Cabin Fever, and since then my love for Gore and torture porn started. One of my life goals is to meet him in person because it would be fun and interesting, two horror enthusiast exchanging banter I hope he doesnt think I am boring and creepy when that time comes though, we also have the same energy level hahaha. Anyway, I know the Green Inferno was released months ago but I only got to watch it earlier because I had to wait for an hd copy of it online. And although it received an average rating on IMDb, I still have to say that I enjoyed it as an Eli Roth fan, because all of the elements that make it an Eli Roth masterpiece is there, the gore, the torture scenes and of course his lovely wife. The blonde girl who is Justine’s room mate is kinda off putting, her acting is terrible the blank face? I mean come on. Most of the actors to be honest, their acting are “porn quality” there are some scenes in the movie where I laughed my ass off like that one where the blonde girl (who has panic attacks) had explosive diarrhea on the pig pen and that other scene where that douchebag (who acted as the leader of the group) jacked off, I know he’s under alot of stress but fapping when there’s a dead girl in front of you and her throat is slit? dude come on have some respect.

The scene where they stuffed a bag of pot in the dead girl, was amusing because as expected when the tribe found her, they roasted her and as a result the tribe got baked off marijuana, the scene showed them laughing, and poking each other. Then later they got the munchies and munched on that other white guy hahahaha. It’s also an intense movie, the type where it will keep you biting your nails, especially that scene where this Jacksparrow looking Elder of the tribe (she does look like him tho, well her get up at least) almost mutilated Justine’s vagina, seriously her body was covered in white shit and she was naked, that made my legs cross tightly because the hook that was to be used looked filthy, and the thought of having your poonany getting sliced and shit like that, come on board to the nope train with me ladies, there are still plenty of seats left hahaha. I also liked it because it made fun of all those social justice warriors who go hashtag frenzy on any social media platform, who I think doesnt really care/know enough about the purpose of the thing they are fighting for, they just want to appear as if they do…for example #Kony2012 remember that?

I’ll give it a 7/10 rating because I did enjoy watching it, but I dont think i’ll recommend it because I dont think most people will like it, it is not for the faint of heart, but if you are a fan of Eli Roth’s work then go for it! It did remind me of Cannibal Holocaust a lot, but Cannibal Holocaust is much more better (of course) but it is a great homage to 70’s cannibal flicks. I hated the ending though, and I am waiting for a sequel hahaha.

 

Letter for a broken hearted

Hello darling how are you holding up? It has been a week since he left. Did you get some sleep last night? or did you stayed up until the crack of dawn again thinking about how you couldve done things differently, so that maybe, just maybe he didnt give up on you? I wish you would stop that. You deserve peace of mind, he already made his decision he will never come back anymore, I know this sounds harsh but you have to pick your broken pieces and try to put them together once again, I know darling, I know it’s hard but you have to. You will make it through this, I know it. You’re strong, you lived without him before right? You can do it again, you just have to re-learn how to be happy on your own. The thought of living alone terrifies you now, you’re thinking that you’re incapable of being loved because the person whom you thought would love you for thick and thin, left. You’re afraid to trust again, because you dont know whether they’re lying or if they’re telling the truth.

How many cups of coffee will you drink to finally realize that he isnt coming back anymore? that he’s no longer yours? darling, as much as I want to tell you reassuring and sweet things, I just cant because I dont want to make this worst. Why should I tell you things that will only give you false hope? people will say that I am a bad friend. But I’ll tell them that I am not, I may be harsh on you but wont you rather cry rivers because of the truth than to bask in the beauty of a lie? How many sips of coffee and caffeine fixes do you need to get over the fact that he left you for someone new? I asked you this and you told me you’ll never get tired of the taste of coffee. I hope you do though, to get rid of those sleepless nights where your pillows get soaked in tears, for the jittery feeling you get that you get startled so easily even by the sound of a cat landing on your tin roof, for days like today, where you feel so tired that you find it hard to get out of bed. Oh my sweet girl it breaks my heart to see you like this, but I dont know what to do other than offer you words put together in letters like this, hoping that when you read this you’ll feel a little better about your self, and step out even just a little from the void he created a week ago. I am sorry, do you still feel numb and empty? Oh sweet heart I tried to warn you about this,and I thought you’re well prepared but who am I kidding? no one will ever be ready for something like this, they might think so but when it really does happen you’re lost, you panic and ask him to stay, beg…plead, and then you’d hate yourself after because you stripped yourself clean of the all the pride that you had but he still left. And now you’re stuck in this spiral of misery, not knowing if you’ll ever get away from it or not.

Instead of sleeping, you sit in your living room couch bathrobe clad with mismatched socks, with a huge ass cup of coffee waiting for the rising sun, hoping to hear a knock on the door and to hear his voice that you have grown so much to love, after a year and 2 months of being together. But you waited for a whole day, and there were no knocks, not even a glimpse of his shadow, and the day becomes night and you turn your coffee maker on again, and you’d do the same thing you did the previous night.

I am still waiting for the day that you get tired of the taste of coffee.