First of all I am SORRY. It’s all on me and not you, I am sorry I had to put you to the “friend zone” but I have no other choice. Did I use you for a momentary relief for loneliness? You might think so, but I didnt. I might come off as a bad person, but I did this because I cant take it anymore. It wouldnt be fair to me nor you, because if I still lead you to believe that I have feelings for you too (when all I feel for you is platonic love) then it would be evil. Like I said, not fair for US. I tried liking you that way, because I knew that you fancied me for years now. The only problem with you was that you never courted me, we’ve known each other for almost 3 years now man. You’d let your shyness and insecurity get the best of you, and for three years we have become friends. BEST FRIENDS, You became my band mate. You come by our house almost 3 times a week, we watched countless gore movies and I even told you so much about why my ex boyfriend is the worst. You even accompanied me when I got a haircut because he didnt want to come with me.
I love you, but not in that way. Not in a romantic, sexual, passionate way, the love I feel for you is the kind of love I feel for my brothers. I see you as nothing more as one of them, I dont see you as a boyfriend or potential husband. Was I wrong for letting you court me? maybe. But I thought it will change you know? I thought everything will go the other way, I shouldnt have taken the risk. Because now, I think I lost my bestfriend. I took a leap, and I was so fucking wrong and I feel so bad because of it.
Will you forgive me? I dont think you ever will. I thought I was ready to entertain a suitor, I thought I am ready to write a new chapter in my book. But I guess I was wrong, I dont think I am yet and the bad part was that I kinda used you to fool/distract myself, you cant cheat your way in this one. I didnt use you as a “rebound” though because I didnt agree to become your girlfriend, I thought you will be the silver lining. I guess no one can be that, because there’s no fast way of moving on (there’s always the option of becoming a girl who sleep around with others to forget but I dont think I’m that kind of person, I dont judge those who do though, you do you), I am the only one who can cure myself of this. I guess I just have to let it sink in for a while, I guess I just have to be more patient, I just have to learn to love myself more, keep myself busy, need to work on my attitude problem, and to learn how to genuinely love someone.
I guess I have to stay single for as long as I have to and not force myself into a relationship I am not ready for. And the other thing was that, everything with you became so fast, one minute we’re just happily hanging out eating disgustingly flavored jelly beans and the next minute you’re asking me to meet your entire family! wtf dude. I wasnt looking for anything serious, well I wasnt sure what I was looking for exactly. All I knew then was I missed having someone to chat with, to accompany me to places, to ask how Im doing and having arguments with. I think I was just missing the feeling of being in a relationship.
I am sorry, what I did was wrong. But I ended it with the best intention, I’d put a stop to it before you got too invested in me. I ended it before it got much worst. I will understand if you dont want to be my bestfriend anymore, I deserved that. I’m sorry for everything.
Hello Im Mel 