What now?

I graduated from College last Wednesday (July 5th) yes, I am now a degree holder. And I am happy of course because after four years of gruelling paperworks and examinations, and nights of cramming I am finally done. My mum threw a pool party for me and also a simple feast at our house, she also drilled a hole on our wall so that my graduation picture can be hung and I assume seen by people, it’s nice to know that she is that proud of me. Well, my whole family is, I wished my daddy was there in the gymnasium with us though he did pay for my education after all, and he did want to be there but his boss didnt sign his leave so he didnt really have a choice. He did tell me how proud and happy he is of me in a lengthy (45 mins) phone call the previous night, he was also emotional and so was I.

I am happy that the lectures are over but I cant help but be scared and nervous you know? because what do I do now? I know that I should be finding a job so that I can earn money to help out on house bills and to buy stuff that I like, but I fear that I might get rejected by every job that I apply for. But then again, I did apply at a bank and I did pass the interview, they want me to come back for a written exam, I knew I can pass that. Because I am great at those kinds of stuff but then again I think to myself I didnt study Tourism Management so that I can sit on a cubicle/stall all day. I did go to a cruise line agency a couple of weeks ago and I did have someone to back me up there and they did ask me to undergo “basic training”. But I dont want to owe something to someone you know? I want to make it on my own. Is it because of my pride? YES. I know my uncle meant well, but I dont think I’ll be able to sit with the idea of getting a job because I had an inside man and not because of my skills. And I do have the ability to pass it in a fair manner, but if it had been a year and I am still unemployed I might have to give in to this offer and ask for help, swallow thee pride. Am I being picky? I am. And it’s not because I think I’m too good for these jobs, it’s because I am afraid of what will happen to me. Which is stupid because I will never get a job with this kind of mindset and all I want is to give back to my family for everything they have done for me by showering them with things that they deserve, especially my grandmother.

But right now I am focusing on losing weight, I am not exactly overweight I’m just a little pudgy. I mean I am 5’4 ft and I weigh 128 lbs/58 kg, I mean to lose 5 or 6 more pounds so that I wont struggle when I am working. And I am waiting for my TOR I did file for it last Thursday, and my diploma as well. The future is terrifying yet exciting, it’s like I am back in square one you know? I am back to being that gawky 16 year old nervous on her first day of college. But am now nervous about work and  adulthood, oh and I’ll be turning 21 this coming 16th how time flies right?

So yeah, Congratulations to batch 2017 here’s to more existential crisis and anxiety! HAHAHAHA kidding of course.


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